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Twitter Digest: Ted Nugent And Secret Service To Bang Whores, Barbecue A Dog

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Ted Nugent ishaving a barbecue with the Secret Service, because he simply cannot stop asking ladies and Barack Obama to ride his machine gun, and suck on his machine gun, and die from the bullets ejaculating forth from his machine gun, and now he is like a black Jew at a Klan rally, he says, meaning he is Being Oppressed! (That is what you do to blacks and maybe Jews.)


As for the Secret Service probe, Nugent said that he will be meeting with officials on Thursday.

“We actually have heard from the Secret Service and they have a duty. I support them. I salute them. And I look forward to our meeting tomorrow,” he said. “I‘m sure we’ll have a great conversation…bottom line is, I‘ve never threatened anybody’s life in my life. I’ve never threatened. I don’t waste breath threatening.”

He continued, going on to reiterate his respect for the law enforcement officials.

“We’re going to have a little barbecue get together,” he said. “And I’m not trying to diminish the seriousness of this, because if the Secret Service are doing it they are serious. They are dedicated and I will be as polite and supportive as I possibly can be, which will be thoroughly.”

Also, Barack Obama totally ate Fluffy, and we for one are fine with that. Wait, where'd all our PETA ads go? [TheBlaze]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Donald Trump's presidency has made white nationalism fashionable again. It doesn't help matters that social networking giant Facebook has offered white nationalists a global platform for their hate. Back in May, Motherboard obtained internal documents that revealed how Facebook planned to handle white supremacist content on its site after Charlottesville. It was incredibly stupid.

See, Facebook wouldn't let you post praise of white supremacy as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white supremacist. It would allow you to post praise of white nationalism as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white nationalist. All those tech bros and all those hoodies in the same place and they still couldn't muster the collective brain power to understand that white supremacy and white nationalism are synonymous, by which I mean the exact same thing but with a slightly different arrangement of letters.

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Is Brett Kavanaugh's Evil Twin The Real Attempted Rapist? Maaaaaybe!

Another Pulitzer for Kathleen Parker pls!

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Over this past week, we have heard some fascinating excuses for Brett Kavanaugh having allegedly attempted to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford when he was in high school. Hey, he didn't rape us, said some ladies who knew him. It could have just been horseplay, said his spokesperson Carrie Severino! He wasn't even there, said Orrin Hatch! It totally doesn't matter anyway because he has done enough good in his lifetime that he should get to sexually assault like, one lady, said Dennis Prager! Maybe it was a false memory and she hallucinated the whole thing, said the Dilbert guy!

So many possible options. But something was missing. We didn't know it, but we felt it in our bones. And then, today, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Kathleen Parker dropped it in the Washington Post. What if it wasn't Brett Kavanaugh, she tells us all, very seriously, but rather his evil twin. Or someone who just looked a whole lot like him. Perhaps even this "Bart O'Kavanaugh" we have been hearing so much about.

Let's hear her out!

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