Uh Oh, Matt Gaetz In Big Trouble With Daddy!
No, silly, we are not saying Matt Gaetz is in trouble with the rich daddy he apparently has in Florida who may or may not have had a hand in keeping many of young Matthew's youthful extracurricular activities off his permanent record! We have no reason to believe Gaetz is in trouble with that daddy. We are talking about Donald Trump. You know, his work daddy.
Last week, when Congress invoked the War Powers act to limit Trump's freedom to attack Iran all willy-nilly without congressional authorization, it was a slightly bipartisan vote, and one reason for that was because Gaetz -- Trump-licker extraordinaire if there ever was one -- decided to vote with the Democrats. He said he was doing it because "principle" or something, and because he represents more troops than anybody else in Congress. We know enough about Matt Gaetz to never give him credit for being a stopped clock that's still somehow only right once a day, but it was a rare show of brain activity from a guy from whom we aren't accustomed to seeing that.
Wonkette mentioned this briefly this weekend, but this report from the Washington Post really has some funny lines about how upset Daddy is with Gaetz, who really has gone and wrapped his relationship with Daddy around a tree on this one, HAHA, MATT GAETZ DUI JOKE, nobody's ever said one of those before!
A senior White House official said it was "super uncool" and "quite unwise" for Gaetz to push for limits on the president's authority. This person added that White House officials would not be returning Gaetz's phone calls, text messages, "smoke signals or his kneelings in the snow."
RUH ROH, MATT GAETZ! You can smoke signal all you want, and Trump won't hear you. You can kneel in the blizzard that is not happening in Washington, but for some reason Trump thinks is happening, maybe there is some sort of white powder clouding his vision, and Trump will just look the other way and eat hamberders. Will Trump secretly be wishing Matt Gaetz had never been born, while he is eating hamberders in the snow? Maybe.
Is there a way back to paradise for our Matthew?
Trump is often transactional, current and former aides say, and there is probably a path for Gaetz to return to the proverbial tent.
Oh golly, does Matt Gaetz have it in him to suck up to Trump that hard? Just kidding, of course he does. As the Post notes, he is the Trumpiest Trumper who ever Trumped. This is the guy who felt so threatened on the eve of Michael Cohen's congressional testimony that he decided to engage in a little baseless witness intimidation on Trump's behalf:
This is a guy who worked so hard to obstruct the Trump impeachment investigation in the House, he led a moron rebellion to invade a congressional SCIF with his cell phone and proceeded to poop around all day in there and order pizza, just to protest the unfairness of Adam Schiff holding impeachment depositions behind closed doors so Trump loyalists couldn't make sure they were all telling Congress the same lies.
Point is, out of all the Trump-loving Republican congressmen who currently hold office, there is perhaps no other soul this side of Devin Nunes we trust more than Gaetz to find a way to debase himself back into Daddy's good graces.
It will probably happen on Fox News. It will be fucking embarrassing. Stay tuned!
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