Uh Oh, Paul Manafort, Where's Your God NOW?


Oh hey, Donald Trump! We've been hearing you might want to pardon all the people who may or may not have done crimes in your name! BAD IDEA.

Oh hey, Paul Manafort! We see the FBI raiding your house before you've even had time to do your hour of morning poops, and special counsel Robert Mueller is serving subpoenas on your PR people and your old lawyer and your spokesperson, and OH BOY, things are just getting H-O-T-T up in here for you! Should you flip on your boy Trump? Will he go ahead and pardon you, even if right now he's pretending he doesn't know you and seems to be leaking stories to the National Enquirer about you having sex scandals?

Boys, we have some news that's bad for you and good for America. Politico reports that, as we've long suspected, Mueller is working with New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman in his investigation. This is significant for several reasons:

  • Donald Trump can't protect anybody from prosecution for state crimes, which means his pardons ain't mean shit in Schneiderman's courtroom.
  • Uh oh, it looks like Mueller and Schneiderman really are finding Manafort CRIMES here!
  • If Mueller and Schneiderman have such a hard-on to go after Manafort's CRIMES, Mueller must be pretty sure Manafort has the skinny on EVEN BIGGER CRIMES done by the president and members of his family. Better flip, Paulie!

Say it with us: WHOA IF TRUE! (It's most likely true.)

Here's a bit about what Mueller and Schneiderman are cooking up:

The two teams have shared evidence and talked frequently in recent weeks about a potential case, these people said. One of the people familiar with progress on the case said both Mueller’s and Schneiderman’s teams have collected evidence on financial crimes, including potential money laundering.

No decision has been made on where or whether to file charges. “Nothing is imminent,” said one of the people familiar with the case.

Financial crimes? Money laundering? You can't (allegedly!) spell those things without M-A-N-A-F-O-R-T! How many times have we told you about weird payments Manafort has received from Russian and pro-Russian Ukrainian oligarchs? You know, all those bizarre, possibly illegal activities that FINALLY led Manafort to register as a foreign agent. The ones his daughter Andrea called "blood money."

Some of the crimes Mueller and Schneiderman might be looking at very well could be state crimes. And trust that if Mueller has chosen to work with Schneiderman's jurisdiction, it means there are a lot of things that could be prosecuted specifically as New York crimes.

Isn't this fun? As the kids on "Morning Joe" noted Thursday morning, Mueller is playing three-dimensional chess here, whereas Donald Trump is playing "three-dimensional Hungry Hungry Hippos," which is just a hilarious joke and we award them three Wonkette whore diamonds for it.

Politico notes that Schneiderman and Donald Trump have a long history, and that Trump haaaaaaaate him. Schneiderman has gone after Trump's sham charitable foundation, and he was the one who won the $25 million settlement against the fake-ass Trump University.

And now maybe he gets to help fuck Trump's presidency right up, through the time-tested legal strategy known as "Fuck you gonna do about it, bro?"

Pop some popcorn or whatever!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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