Ukraine

Ron Johnson, Walking Simpson's 'You Tried' Gif, Releases Biden Ukraine Report

Slow clap.

DID YOU KNOW DID YOU KNOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!1¿1??¿?!

Did you know that Joe Biden's son is a fuckup who traded on his family name and got a job on a Ukrainian company's board like every other child of a politician in DC including two who are working in the White House right this very moment?

Oh, you did? Well, then, the report just dropped by The Senate's Dumbest Republican™ won't contain much new information for you.

Despite being warned by US intelligence agencies and members of his very own party that he and Senate Finance Committee Chair Chuck Grassley were laundering Russian propaganda, Senator Ron Johnson went ahead and dropped his hastily polished turd this morning, right in the middle of the SCOTUS nomination/200,000 coronavirus deaths/crazy shit Trump said last night news cycle, where it promptly rolled into the corner largely unnoticed.

The big conclusion of the report is that Hunter Biden being on the board of Burisma was UNLEGAL because it violated anti-awkwardness statutes.

Yes, for real.

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2020 presidential election

Ron Johnson, Stop Trying To Make Burisma Happen. This Season's Story Is That Biden Is A Socialist BLM Antifa!

Hell, he's embarrassing Marco Rubio.

The Senate's dumbest Republican is also the Senate's least subtle Republican.

Coincidence?

Probably not. But his hometown paper the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has helpfully compiled a list of times when Senator Ron Johnson shouted I AM ABUSING MY OFFICE TO CONDUCT A POLITICAL HIT ON JOE BIDEN WITH THE HELP OF RUSSIAN SPIES! Or words to that effect.

Last month, he promised a rightwing radio host that his work as chair of the Senate Homeland Security Committee "would certainly help Donald Trump win reelection and certainly be pretty good, I would say, evidence about not voting for Vice President Biden."

"What our investigations are uncovering, I think, will reveal that this is not somebody that we should be electing president of the United States," he told another talk show host this week.

And on a Monday teleconference with his GOP colleagues, Johnson predicted a killing blow from his committee, saying, "Stay tuned. In about a week we're going to learn a whole lot more of Vice President Biden's unfitness for office." He plans to release an interim report just before the first debate on September 29. Sneaky!

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White House

Vindman Brothers Burning Down NSC From BEYOND THE RETIREMENT GRAVE

Don't fuck with nerds.

The Vindman brothers are back to burn it all down, baby.

Lieutenant Colonel Yevgeny Vindman, twin brother of impeachment witness Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman, filed a whistleblower complaint alleging retaliation by individuals at the White House, including the president and national security advisor. And now the chairs of the House Intelligence, Oversight and Reform, and Armed Services Committees are demanding an investigation by the Acting (natch) Inspector General of the Department of Defense.

On February 7, both Vindman brothers were abruptly fired and escorted off the White House grounds in an unmistakeable display of retaliation for their role in Trump's impeachment. Yevgeny was a legal advisor to the National Security Council on which his brother was the Director of European Affairs. Both raised concerns with John Eisenberg, the NSC's legal advisor, about Trump's infamous PERFECT, PERFECT extortion call with the president of Ukraine.

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Congress

Pompeo Tells House Dems To Get F*cked, Rolls Over For Senate R's Biden Smear

Subpoenas are for little people.

There are a lot of partisan hacks in the Trump administration, but for sheer brazen fuckery, no one can hold a candle to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo.

On Monday, he announced he was canceling an unrelated intelligence briefing for the House Foreign Affairs Committee (HFAC) to punish the committee for investigating the firing of Inspector General Steve Linick, who had been looking into eleventy-seven Pompeo scandals. Also on Monday, Pompeo's staff was ordered to expedite a records search for information on the origins of the Russia investigation to meet Republican Senators Chuck Grassley and Ron Johnson's deadline to dump oppo on Biden and the Russia "hoax." The House Foreign Affairs Committee, chaired by Democrat Eliot Engel, has issued a subpoena for the very same documents, but Pompeo told him to pound sand.

Cool, cool.

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