He's gonna get answers on this Biden Ukraine thing! And if he doesn't get answers, he's gonna make some up!
IT'S DUMB TIME! Now that Joe Biden has a real shot of becoming the Democratic nominee, and possibly reaching the delegate threshold before the convention, Republicans are really starting their engines against the candidate Trump has feared the most the entire time, the one he got himself impeached trying to eliminate from contention.
The other day, we had an update on the Senate's Dumbest Republican, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, who on Sunday sent a letter to his colleagues on the Homeland Security Committee about some subpoenas he wants to send next week, to get to the bottom of the very obviously real Burisma Biden scandal. Because clearly voters are really concerned with whether Hunter Biden worked at a gas station in Ukraine one time. And because Republicans have invented out of whole cloth a lie that Joe Biden corruptly withheld money from Ukraine, while forcing them to fire a (corrupt) Ukrainian prosecutor.
And they know it's a lie, because Ron Johnson was one of the senators who signed a letter back in 2016 pushing then-president Petro Poroshenko to reform that corrupt prosecutor's office, and he is fully aware that when Biden told Ukraine to fire that guy, he was representing the foreign policy of the United States, in agreement with the EU and the IMF and the entire rest of the western world.
Johnson knows this. Johnson is stupid — the Senate's dumbest Republican, according to Wonkette's Scientific Department Of Testing Which Republican Senator Is The Dumbest! — but he's not that stupid.
Anyway, he is mouth-talking more about his Biden investigation, because Trump's only hope in November, besides Russian help, is to try to make "BUT HIS BURISMA!111!1!!!" into this year's BUT HER EMAILS!!11!!!"
Politico reported Wednesday that Johnson is planning to have an "interim report" ready in just a month or two, on that most pressing concern for American households, Hunter Biden's time on the board of Ukrainian energy company Burisma. Why "a month or two"? No reason. Definitely not because of the Democratic primary.
Right on schedule!
On Saturday, Joe Biden cleaned the fuck up in the South Carolina primary, which suggests his campaign was for real when it said screw those white people states, you'll see what happens when we hit the South. With Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar pulling out of the race in response, this weekend might end up being the turning point for this year's Democratic primary.
On Sunday, United States Senator Ron Johnson (R-The Dumbest One) sent his colleagues on the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, which he chairs, a letter announcing that he's got some subpoenas he wants to send, related to his VERY 'PORTANT 'VESTIGATION into that thing America can't stop thinking about, by which we mean that time Hunter Biden worked at a gas station in Ukraine.
What, you are not obsessed with that? Well, you must not be a REG'LAR AMERICAN like Ron Johnson (R-Up To His Ass In This Ukraine Shit.)
Anyway, this is all right on schedule!
Here is the letter from Ron Johnson (R-I Eat Russian Propaganda For Breakfast) to his colleagues. You shouldn't read it, it's too stupid:
It's the Sunday Shows Rundown!
A few days ago, it was reported that it seems the Russians are meddling in the 2020 elections, like they did in 2016, favoring Donald Trump. This (of course) pissed off our Authoritarian-In-Chief and he fired acting (aren't they all) Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire and replaced him with an idiot loyalist, Ambassador to Germany Ric Grenell. Trump also did one of his White House lawn presser shout interviews denying the intelligence while blaming Democrats like House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff, who rightfully criticized him. So this week on the Sunday shows, we got multiple appearances from Trump officials Robert O'Brien and Marc Short, telling America what they really want us to hear about that so-called intelligence.
NOW it's time to panic.
Okay, Purity Ponies, this one's for YOU!
Guess which lunatic fox just got put in charge of the Intelligence henhouse? Hooray, it is Devin Nunes's lackey Kash Patel, who spent the past three years flogging the lie that the Intel Community made up the Russian interference story just to hurt Donald Trump. The president just promoted the guy who thinks the FBI and CIA lied about Russian hacking to cover up the fact that HILLARY CLINTON IS THE REAL COLLUSION to senior advisor at the Office of Director of National Intelligence. But please, tell us more about how you'll be staying home if your candidate doesn't win!
After shoving aside (acting) Director of National Intelligence Joe Maguire for the grievous sin of acknowledging Russian ratfucking, Trump named Ambassador to Germany Ric Grenell, a man with zero national security experience, as nominal (acting) DNI until he can pick a permanent successor. Grenell will retain his ambassadorship, and tend to the SEVENTEEN AGENCIES which constitute our the Intelligence Community in his spare time. But it's okay, because that should leave him plenty of time to zero out any projects focusing on Russian interference with the 2020 election. And if there's an issue with the time-zone or something, he's always got Kash Patel to lean on.
If the past three years have blurred together into one long nightmare for you, let's review who Kash Patel is, shall we?