Undercover Bathhouse Spy & Michele Bachmann Mentor Wins MN GOP Primary


Hey, remember Allen Quist, the homophobic Gollum lookalike whoMother Jones profiled a few months back? You know, Michele Bachman's political mentor, the chap who "went undercover at an adult bookstore and a gay bathhouse in an effort to prove to a local newspaper reporter that they had become a 'haven for anal intercourse'"? YES, THAT GUY!!! He is now the Republican nominee for Congress in Minnesota District 1! Quist defeated his opponent in the GOP primary with 54% of the vote, and will go on to face incumbent Rep. Tim Walz in the fall.

Mr. Quist is the sort of candidate that reporters might call "colorful," largely because most media outlets shy away from the more accurate phrase "bugfuck crazy." As we noted when we last covered his adventures, in addition to his obsession with teh gheys ("At one point...a Senate leader suggested he had an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, having devoted 30 hours to it in a single session"), he is also quite certain that humans and dinosaurs lived together quite recently, since there's a Cambodian temple that features a carving that he is quite certain can ONLY be a stegosaurus, depicted by people who had seen one, or at least heard about one. (The carving's head and neck are all wrong; it's probably an Indian Rhino. More to the point, the carving lacks a thagomizer.) He also believes that the Book of Job should be incorporated into schools' science curricula, because it proves that dragons were real.

But what else do we know about Mr. Quist? Well, in addition to the dinosaur stuff, he has a lot of other science facts at his fingertips. According to the Mother Jones profile, Quist once

told a Minnesota reporter he believed women were "genetically predisposed" to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals.

Quist also believes that the International Baccalaureate program, an advanced placement curriculum, is a UN-sponsored scheme to brainwash children, setting the stage for an eventual United Nations takeover of Minnesota. He thinks "sustainability" is code for a plot to collectivize all citizen in urban areas where they will have to ride bicycles and rely on public transportation. He once called for mandatory AIDS testing for all Minnesotans, to "prevent major penetration of the AIDS virus into the straight population."

And Michele Bachman campaigned for him this year, praising his "intellectual firepower and courage."

Nahh, we can't top that, so we won't even try.

[Mother Jones ]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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