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United States Officially the 'Worst of the Worst' At Everything

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  • Guten Morgen! New York Times "visual op-ed" columnist Charles Blow has a new Blow Chart about the awful state of our union -- and it's quite revelatory, but only if you didn't already know that the United States is an impoverished banana republic with millions of non-violent offenders locked up in overcrowded prisons forever. (We suck at Maths, too.) And now there will probably be deep cuts to education and basic social services, a final "screw you" to the 99% of Americans who are not Satan-worshiping war merchants. (But actually, this is the only way to reduce wasteful government spending!) [NYT]

  • And in Libya: Protesters have taken control of Benghazi. At least 223 demonstrators have been killed by security forces, according to Human Rights Watch. Meanwhile, Gadhafi's son warned of "civil war" during a not-very-popular televised address. [NYT]


  • More violence in Yemen (twelve killed since Thursday). Protesters are marching silently in Iran, in hopes of not being murdered. [Al Jazeera]

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BREAKING ACHTUNG EVERYBODY CRY AND PANIC AND HAVE ROLLICKING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, BECAUSE ROBERT MUELLER DID THE THING.

We don't know what the thing means yet, but we know that he gave the thing to Attorney General Bill Barr, who is presumably looking at the thing right now. Donald Trump is at Mar-a-Lago, so he does not have the thing, because NO THING FOR ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENTS. Studies show that according to sources close to the investigation who may or may not be close to the investigation, we might have some real information on what is inside the thing sometime this weekend.

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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?

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