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Unpopular John Boehner Scams Money From Old People

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Fundraising fever: everybody's CATCHING IT! People are giving Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee -- none of whom hold elected office of any kind or have any power or influence --hundreds of thousands of dollars. These people are already pretty well off, too! Naturally, John Boehner, a real live elected official who holds an actual leadership position in the Republican Party, feels that he deserves a cut of this sweet action. Too bad for him that he's a loser that nobody likes. That's why he had to collect a six-digit sum from a group of people "affiliated" with a Florida retirement community, plus confused old ex-Cabinet secretaries like John Snow.


The Politc-O, a popular zine that Mike Allen photocopies and staples together and leaves piles of in popular Washington-area coffeehouses, wins the morning with this important scoop:

House Minority Leader John Boehner collected $570,300 from 20 donors -- almost all of it in June -- under a new political arm called the "Boehner for Speaker Committee," according to a report filed Thursday with the Federal Election Commission.

The bulk of the money, $378,000, came from 10 people affiliated with the central Florida retirement community the Villages of Lake Sumter, including several members of a single family. And a pair of officials from the last Bush administration -- John Snow, who was Treasury secretary; and Nick Calio, who was a White House congressional liaison -- are also among the committee's big-money donors.

...

The Villages of Lake Sumter CEO Gary Morse and his son Mark Morse, the company's president, each gave $37,800, as did eight other family members and employees. Snow also “maxed out.” And Calio, now a lobbyist for Citigroup in Washington, gave $10,000.

So many questions unanswered here! Like, are some of these donors confused Olds who live at the "Villages," and who thought they were writing a check that would ensure fewer beatings from Morse and his minions? Does John Snow live in "Fort Sumter," sitting listlessly in a wheelchair and staring off into space, occasionally mumbling obscenity-laden diatribes about "that ratfucker Paulson and his fuckups"? Is "The Village Centre at Fort Sumtertowne Lakes" actually a compound full of trailers inhabited by a single extended polygamous family? Mike Allen must have accidentally left those pages of the story at Kinko's, because all this version tells us is a lot of boring crap about campaign finance law and how you can use ludicrously named shells like the "Boehner for Speaker Committee" to get people to cough up tons of money.

Anyway, Boehner had to hassle these poor Floridian militiamen for cash because everyone hates him, according to a column by John Ellis in the Washington Times, a publication that apparently still exists. Ellis thinks that Boehner cannot succeed because he doesn't have the charisma, the smarts, and the sheer ability to get his ugly face on TV that Newt Gingrich had. Ha ha, somebody has fond memories of the awful Newt Gingrich, who resigned in disgrace and failure after four years as Speaker! John Boehner should change his committee name to "At Least He's Not Gingrich for Speaker Committee." [Politico/Washington Times]

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