Conspiracy theories

No, QAnon Shaman Not Released Early Because Tucker Carlson Exonerated Him, You F*cking Idiots

Jesus Christ.

There is a lie on the rightwing internet today. (Can you believe it?)

Charlie Kirk helpfully copy/pasted it from whatever FWD: Fwd: fwd: FWD: FWD: fwd: FWD: email his mom sent him this morning.

"BREAKING," it reads. "Jacob Chansley AKA 'QAnon Shaman' has been freed from prison 14 months early after never-before-seen exculpatory Jan. 6 footage showing him being escorted into Senate by cops was shared with the public by Tucker Carlson."

No. Just all of it is no. The only part of it that's correct is that the fucking dork secessionist terrorist with the silly hat got to leave the prison to go to a halfway house. On exactly the schedule he was told when he went to prison.

And we guess technically Charlie wrote that cleverly, as it actually does not say Tucker Carlson's dumbfucking edited January 6 early bird menu senior citizen Capitol field trip barebacking orgy video actually brought about this result. It falsely asserts that it was "exculpatory," but doesn't say that's why this loser is leaving prison and on his way to a halfway house.

It's written hoping you'll mistakenly create that impression in your own rarely used brain. The Daily Mail is similarly writing all these facts VERY CLOSE to each other.

That's one way rightwing propaganda works.

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Here's Your White House Press Briefing, If You Can Even Handle It.

Live on WonkTV!

Really, the thing is happening even if you can't.

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Idaho Ready To Ban Minors From Traveling To Free States For Abortions

Federal 'Fugitive Uterus Act' sure to follow.

In Idaho's latest bid to out-draconian all other states' anti-abortion laws, the Idaho House is on track to pass the nation's very first ban on pregnant minors traveling to other states to get an abortion. The bill, Idaho HB 242, would create a brand new crime called "abortion trafficking," defined thusly:

An adult who, with the intent to conceal an abortion from the parents or guardian of a pregnant, unemancipated minor, either procures an abortion [...] or obtains an abortion-inducing drug for the pregnant minor to use for an abortion by recruiting, harboring, or transporting the pregnant minor within this state commits the crime of abortion trafficking.

The brilliantly sneaky thing about the law is that it doesn't explicitly ban minors from leaving the state to get an abortion, which could end up in sticky multi-jurisdictional litigation. But because virtually all abortions in Idaho are already illegal, the law doesn't actually require someone to cross state lines with a pregnant minor to get an abortion. Rather, it's enough to be "transporting" the minor in the direction of Oregon or Washington, or to an Idaho airport, with the intent of getting an abortion.

The law also prohibits any adult who's not a parent or guardian from obtaining abortion medications for a minor. Yes, it would very much penalize other nonparental family members, like an older sibling or a single aunt who listens to Indigo Girls on her Subaru Forrester's audio system.

The new offense would be a felony, and guilty parties could be imprisoned for two to five years. And just to make sure no wild-eyed feminist DA's in the state's Marxist university towns get any bright ideas about not prosecuting an accused abortion trafficker, the law would let the state attorney general intervene to overrule local prosecutors who decline prosecution.

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Manly, War-Winning Non-Loser Vladimir Putin Kidnapping American Journalists Now

Definitely not a weakness move.

We guess Russia was feeling weak and puny with its back stuck up against a wall, because it's taken a journalist from a real country hostage.

Russia's FSB has detainedWall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich, from the paper's Moscow bureau, on what we assume are entirely fictional imaginary espionage charges. The world might be more inclined to take Russia's statements seriously if it were a real country that didn't stifle all dissent, murder (often literally) the free press, and wasn't currently engaged in a genocidal war it started for no other reason but to make the masturbatory fever dreams of its increasingly frail leader come true. Hell, it banned telling the truth about how poorly that war is going. Also, just in general, Russia is a huge fucking liar trusted by no one who isn't an easily flattered idiot and/or traitor.

This is reportedly the first time they've kidnapped an American reporter as a spy since the fall of the Soviet Union, and the first time they've kidnapped a foreign journalist since they barged into Ukraine and started killing children. Obviously they've kidnapped American lesbian basketball stars and ex-US Marines and others. It's a pretty big deal that they've kidnapped an American journalist.

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