We don't have time to get into all the details of why Never-Was-A-White-House-Employee Corey Lewandowski will probably be a fucking asshole and refuse to answer questions for the House Judiciary Committee today, but here is the White House telling Lewandowski that he, a private citizen, should not answer Congress's questions about his interactions with Donald Trump, beyond what's in the Mueller Report, based on well-known legal principles White House Counsel Pat Cipollone found inside his asshole:

The White House had already "blocked" Rick Dearborn and Rob Porter from testifying, and until a judge finally smacks down Trump's bullshit claims of "absolute immunity" -- as in, when we get the final ruling on Don McGahn's testimony -- we guess that will be that. But Corey's gonna show up! And act like a fucking clown, obviously.

If you'll remember, Corey Lewandowski is an important star of the Mueller Report because Trump tried to get Lewandowski -- a private citizen -- to help influence Jeff Sessions's handling of the Mueller investigation, which forms one of the key acts of criminal obstruction of justice Trump committed. Also he tried to get Lewandowski to help him fire Sessions. Because that's a thing private citizens do all the time, which is why Wonkette fires Bill Barr all the time, though he refuses to leave.

To quote from Wonkette's liveblog of the Mueller Report:

OK, as obstructive incidents go, the tick-tock that starts on page 90 is HOLYSHITDUMB. Trump calls Corey Lewandowski into the Oval Office on June 19, 2017, says "Corey will you please call the Justice Department and tell Jeff Sessions they're only allowed to investigate Russian election interference OF THE FUTURE?" Because obviously NO COLLUSION, so why would Mueller want to investigate what happened in 2016? So Corey silently told Trump to fuck off and didn't do it. (To be clear, though, he tried. He even set up a meeting with Sessions, and when that didn't work out, he tried to farm the job out to Rick Dearborn. He just didn't try very hard. Still, Corey Lewandowski is a fucking idiot, and also an accessory.)

ONE MONTH LATER, Trump is like "hey Corey, did you relay my very important and normal and smart request to Jeff Sessions?" He had not, but said he would. (He was not going to.)

This is the statement Trump dictated to Corey Lewandowski, of a speech Trump wanted Jeff Sessions to give:

Back to the Wonkette liveblog of the Mueller Report:

[A] month later was when Corey finally gave the notes to Rick [Dearborn], and it was Rick who really was like UM YEAH NO. So he told Corey the situation had been dealt with, when the truth was fuck you.

To be clear, part of this request to Corey and to Rick involved how Jeff Sessions should resign if he's not willing to give the very important and normal speech pasted above, about how Trump is a genius and Robert Mueller should not check the trunk for bodies, we mean investigate Russian interference in the 2016 election.

So basically Trump was trying to get Corey Lewandowski -- who didn't even work for the White House -- to fire Jeff Sessions for him. Did you know that private citizens are allowed to fire the attorney general? We didn't!

Riiiiiiiiight.

All refreshed now? We are!

This is going to be a shitshow, because of course it is. But it's also the first official hearing in the impeachment investigation into Donald Trump with the first fact witness from the Mueller Report. So let's liveblog it!