We knew when Michael Cohen pleaded guilty that he had committed his campaign finance crimes (which we will refer to throughout this post as his "booby peener payoffs," because they relate to buying the silence of Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal in order to make their stories go away before the election) at the direction of "Individual-1," AKA Donald Trump. None of that has been a secret. The sitting president of the United States has been named as an unindicted co-crimer in a guilty plea for his former lawyer, who is currently LOCK HER UPPED.

We also got very strange news this week, that the Southern District of New York (SDNY) investigation into the Trump Organization's campaign finance lawbreaking was winding down and would soon be over, probably with no new indictments. And that was weird. It was especially weird because CNN reported that the investigation seemed to go quiet about five months ago, which just happened to be right when Attorney General McCoverUps himself, Bill Barr, was confirmed to his position. Was Barr doing Trump's bidding again and putting his thumb on a valid criminal investigation, in order to protect the president and his crime family?

That's certainly what Trump wanted. When Matthew "Meatball" Whitaker was acting attorney general, it's reported that Trump pressured him to control the SDNY investigation, and that Whitaker told his pals at Justice that SDNY needed "adult supervision." Ha ha! Meatball McPeenerToilet was the adult! And wouldn't you know it, but zing bang boom, the second Barr took the baton, that investigation did indeed go dark. And now it's over!

When we originally saw the warrants that led to Michael Cohen's big fun FBI raids, the parts about the "Illegal Campaign Contribution Scheme" were redacted, in order to protect the ongoing investigation. But now that investigation is over, or at least the part related to Michael Cohen's participation in the booby peener porn payoffs is! This week prosecutors asked Judge William H. Pauley to please keep some of the really good parts redacted, in order to protect "third-party privacy interests." (Of whom, please?) In response, the judge issued an order telling those prosecutors to FUCK OFF. Not only did Pauley tell them to fuck off, he said these documents "are a matter of national importance," and that "it is time that every American has an opportunity to scrutinize the Materials." (Emphasis ours.)

Judge Pauley ordered the warrant documents, including the parts about the "Illegal Campaign Contribution Scheme," to be released by 11:00 AM today, and they are out! They tell quite a story. (It's pages 36 to 57 of that link. Follow along if you'd like!) Cohen is certainly guilty, but from what we can tell, "Individual-1" is certainly also very guilty. Also, Hope Hicks, you have been BAD, by which we mean you have been GUILTY and it sure does LOOK LIKE you lied to Congress. Meanwhile, Michael Cohen is the only one sitting in prison for any of these crimes.