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Whatcha lookin' at over there? Can I take a peek? OH NO IT'S THE PORNOS!


Know those hilarious statistics that say the most sexxx porn is watched by residents of the most conservative states, like Utah? We're not a social scientist, but we'd guess it has something to do with how if something is intensely condemned by conservative religion, it makes it more enticing, like Adam and Eve with their forbidden fruit. If you're a normal person, it's more like, "Oh porn, yes, that is a thing. I watch it when I'm in that mood." Meanwhile the conservatives are in their secret basement dungeons swimming through the white water rapids of their own spooge, surrendering to their "addiction" to see pussy and weenus whenever they want.

With that in mind, let's meet Utah state Rep. Todd Weiler. He is a Mormon, and he is the chief sponsor of a resolution, SCR9, recently signed by Republican Gov. Gary Herbert, that declares dirty porno sexxx a "public health crisis."

Weiler got in the bathtub with the Family Research Council's Tony Perkins, to talk about his tyrannical porn goblins:

Someone may have a First Amendment right ... to view pornography, but what about my First Amendment right to not view it?

For context, you should understand that Weiler is very upset that McDonald's and public libraries give porn to children so much, because of the existence of wi-fi. Tony Perkins explains that if you are eating your McDouble and the person next to you is watching McDoubleAnal, you can be exposed to secondhand porn:

We've had all this outrage over secondhand smoke. You don't even have to access the porn yourself to be sitting in the booth next to somebody ... Kids would be walking by, or families, and they would be exposed to it as well.

Look, Wonkette is strongly against kids seeing porn at McDonald's. We are also against people being FORCED to watch porn if they don't want to see porn. And if there is indeed a "public health crisis" of people going to the Mickey D's and immediately stretching out on a booth so they can watch lesbian bukkake fisting (that is not a thing, we don't think), that is a problem!

Except for how raise your hand if you have ever encountered this before. Oh, we're sure there is a story here and a story there, and for real, get those fuckers outta the Hamburglar's house.

But EVEN IF that happens, and Utah Rep. Todd Weiler sees it, he's still not being "forced" to watch it. He can avert his eyes until the porner is dealt with. UNLESS. Unless his actual response to such a thing would be to seethe in righteous outrage, while growing an outrageously righteous erection in his pants, sneaking brief surreptitious looks over his shoulder at the iPad of the next guy over, hoping against hope that he gets to see the hot blond pool boy get it in the ass from the home alone husband before the kids finish their french fries.

And if that is what is happening, well, there really might be a "public health crisis." IN TODD WEILER'S PANTS.

[Right Wing Watch via JoeMyGod]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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