Victoria Jackson Considering Run For Local Office, Wonkette Offers Campaign Help
Now here's a campaign that Yr Wonkette can absolutely get behind: Comedic Has-Been and Political Expert Victoria Jackson is giving some thought to running for office in whatever horrible
Florida Tennessee* wasteland she calls home:
Should I run for "Alderman" in my town? I wanna make a difference. I want to help educate my fellow Americans on Common Core, Agenda 21, the Muslim Brotherhood, and the urgency of getting involved in the political process, putting integrity back into office and halting the encroaching communism. I just hate the campaigning part...the begging for money, the signs, the hand-shaking, etc. Got any thoughts?
Victoria, we love you and your tenuous grasp on reality, and so of course we urge you to go for it. Don't worry about the mechanics of campaigning: If you run, Wonkette will be delighted to serve as your campaign committee and one-stop campaign headquarters! We know you've got what it takes to succeed in politics in the Sunshine State: A fierce devotion to your principles, regardless of "facts" or "logic," and a deep-down love of what you think is in the Constitution. You can do this, Victoria -- You can make the run for Alderaan, and in less than 12 parsecs, too!
We're just delighted at the prospect of Victoria Jackson on a city council, saving the place from UN-sponsored bike paths and making sure the town celebrates White History Month, not to mention her important work in stopping communism and sharia law, both of which are about to simultaneously take over U.S. America.
But Vicki needs our help. And you know what that means: a Photo-ma-shopping contest! Make a campaign sign or ad for Victoria Jackson, Alderperson (or alter kocker) and submit it to tips at wonkette dot com as soon as you can, and we will love you forever. There are tons of Victoria pics out there on the interwebs, or you can start with one of these:
Yes, yes, we know Rebecca is always slagging on you guys and how terrible your caption contest entries are. But Yr Doktor Zoom believes in your ability to take the world of cheesy graphics by storm. Now get out there and impress us!
* Correction: Wonkette Operative Lisa Z emails us to say that Vicki "does not live in a Florida backwater":
She lives in Middle Tennessee, where she moved because this is where the Republican Party has come to die. She lives in Franklin, which is in Williamson County, home of Rep. Marsha Blackburn and one of the country's wealthiest zip codes. It's also a hotbed of conservatism. In other words, she could win!
So, reason number 7.893 why today is a good day to guzzle bleach.
Here's her likely platform: anti-"smart growth." Because if it has the word "smart" in it, you KNOW the Tea Party is going to be against it.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.