Victoria Jackson Makes Compelling Case For More Than Zero Rehearsals


Ladies and Gentlemen, here is Victoria Jackson, your next County Commissioner for Williamson County, Tennessee, singing a song that's straight from the teabagger id, all about Barack Obama and how he is coming to take away everything from you, leaving you nothing but food stamps and teensy-tiny drawings of genitals. It's a catchy little ditzy ditty that she was so excited to have written that she just had to get it on YouTube immediately, without actually remembering all the words or anything.

The first couple of stanzas are awful enough, though they don't make a heck of a lot of sense -- apparently Obama is a communist, and one of the worst thing he's done is that he's "messed up Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security" too. So those socialist programs were working just fine before Barry Bamz got his "Marxist Muslim" hands on them? (Yes, we know, we have now given this song more though than its author did.)

The best part, though, comes around the minute-thirty mark, when V-Jack loses track of her very own lyrics and starts looking around for a cue card that just is not there. And then she tries to read a George Mason quote about guns -- "to disarm the people [is] the best and most effectual way to enslave them" -- but she forgot her glasses, probably because Obama took them. And by now she's just plain lost and wandering, but that's OK, because she remembers to get back to her cheer: "CONSERVATIVE VICTORY!"

You know, Vickster, you actually could have tried a second take. Not that a polished turd would have been that much better.

And do we even want to bother pointing out that while the George Mason quote is real, that one-line version is completely divorced from its context, which was a call for funding the citizen militia and not merely relying on a standing army? Aw, hell naw, that is far more words than V-Jack can handle, let alone the arcane argument about the difference between eighteenth and twenty-first century ideas about military preparedness. God knows the Williamson County Commission is unlikely to be making any decisions about flintlock purchases anyway.

So there you have Victoria Jackson and the catchiest song you've heard all week, unless of course you've finally seen The Lego Movie and are going around with this little confection wrapped around your brainstem. It's far preferable. Also, it's by lesbians.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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