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Video That Had Nothing To Do With Benghazi Motivated Benghazi, Says Guy Who Led Attack In Benghazi

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Now that President O’Bungler has finally had Benghazi mastermind Ahmed Abu Khattala arrested in an obvious bid to distract everyone from theblossoming scandal of daughter Malia landing a patronage job as a PA on a Halle Berry TV show, we can finally put to rest the big mystery of what exactly motivated a bunch of angry moose limbs to attack our consulate in the first place. Sure, the White House might have originally said they thought the attackers were angry over trollish Internet video “Innocence of Muslims,” and sure, the New York Times reported six months ago that the video did play a part in motivating the attack, but we all know the White House is full of lying liars who lie to cover their asses. So what say you, Mr. Evil Mastermind Khattala?


As the attack in Benghazi was unfolding a few hours later, Mr. Abu Khattala told fellow Islamist fighters and others that the assault was retaliation for the same insulting video, according to people who heard him.

This can’t be right! Jill Abramson would never have allowed such garbage to make the Grey Lady! And isn’t it suspicious that she got fired and a new guy – a new black guy – got appointed, and next thing you know the country’s most well-known newspaper is printing this obvious propaganda in service to The One? Trey Gowdy, call your office!

The other thing about Mr. Khattala is that he sounds like a bit of a nutcase, the Islamist militia leader equivalent of … well, the militia leaders who recently organized their crack legions of La-Z-Boy commandos to guard the Bundy ranch from the Bureau of Land Management death squads. A member of Libya’s parliament who spent time in prison with Khattala is quoted as calling him “Sincere, but … very ignorant” and not “100 percent mentally fit.” When Libya’s various militias organized into one central coalition, Khattala complained that the group supported a Western-backed democracy and not the theocracy he hoped for, so he took his own militia and went home. The coalition's leader said that Khattala "thinks he owns God and everyone else is an infidel."

Also, running a militia was a part-time occupation for Khattala, who made his living as a building contractor. As anyone who has ever remodeled a house can tell you, it makes perfect sense that Khattala had a side gig as a bloodthirsty nutbag with too many weapons and a bunch of friends to go play soldier with them. Shoot, are we sure this guy isn’t from, say, Arkansas?

[New York Times]

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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