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Vote Republican Or Everyone Will Die From EbolaISISGuantanamoGhazi

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We are now into the last week of the midterm campaign, by which point the candidates and parties traditionally have long given up any remaining shreds of dignity or pretense that the election has anything to do with such high-falutin’ concepts as “ideas” or “democracy.” Not that we need to tell any of you that. You would not be reading Wonkette if you ever thought otherwise.

Case in point: Since their last pitch to convince voters that Republicans are indeed human didn't convince anyone, here's a new ad that the Republican National Committee is beaming from computers and TVs directly into the neuronal fear pathways of your amygdala. It opens with a white guy relaxing in his La-Z-Boy in his nice, sun-drenched living room that he has paid for by being a red-blooded, hard-working American. But his TV and his tablet are both simultaneously telling him that ISIS IS COMING TO DESTROY HIM AND HIS NICE LIVING ROOM AND HIS DOG AND HIS FLAT SCREEN AND EVERYTHING HE LOVES AND HAS WORKED FOR ZOMG PANTS-SHITTING TERROR.


Then there is some yap about Ebola (SECOND CONFIRMED CASE IN THE U.S.!!11!) and some crap about Obama wanting to close our terrorist vacation spa at Guantanamo Bay (we’re old enough to remember when Obama promised during the 2008 campaign to close that blight on human rights) and how he is ignoring Congress and the Constitution. It ends with this subtle argument:

November 4th, Obama’s policies are on the ballot. Vote to keep terrorists off U.S. soil. Vote Republican.

So vote Republican because … then he’ll be more willing to work with the GOP? The GOP itself will come up with some more sophisticated legislation than its current default of “KILL ALL THE THINGS (EXCEPT THE UNBORN BABBIES)” on every single issue? The Republican-controlled Congress can start taking back some of the war-making powers the legislative branch has been ceding to the executive branch for the last 50 years or so?

Whoops, silly us, those are actual issues and ideas, which, as we just noted, have nothing to do with an election. The GOP should have just shot 30 seconds of adults pooping their Depends, it would have had the same effect. Maybe in 2016.

[YouTube]

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Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019 youtu.be

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Kevin Downing, you got some 'splainin' to do! Superfans will remember Kevin Downing as Paul Manafort's lawyer who hilariously botched the redactions because PDFs are haaaard, revealing to the world that his client had handed over internal Trump polling data to his Russian buddy six weeks before the election. Less hilariously, he also botched the legal ethics by continuing to spill deets on the Mueller investigation to Trump after his own client Manafort had theoretically "flipped." But it turns out that Downing almost got himself pounded by Judge Amy Berman Jackson's contempt gavel for violating the court's gag order and talking to ...

MANAFORT: Sean
Per our conversation this morning, my attorney -- Kevin Downing -- will call you at 11:30am tomorrow. He will update you on what we are doing and how it connects to your reporting. What number should I give him to call you?

HANNITY: Awesome.

Client Number Three himself, the most respected journalist of them all, Sean Hannity! Someone should give that guy a Pulitzer.

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