Wa. State Police Pen Perfect Novella to End Cocktober

more mustache ridesHappy Halloween, Wonkette readers! Do we have any scary stories to tell for the occasion, you might be asking? Well good gay God, have we ever! In what one commenter has described as "the DaVinci Code of the GOP," the Spokane, Wa. Police Department's report on state Rep. Richard "I have not had sex with a guy" Curtis' extortion case leaked yesterday. In it, Curtis admits to the police that he did have sex with a "reputed" male prostitute, Cody Castagna (beautifully captured here). But the police report -- replete with sting opps, erotic boutiques, cross-dressing, metaphors involving toothpase -- makes it so, so much better. If you're going to read the whole thing, we strongly urge you to take a bathroom break beforehand rather than having to get up in the middle.


If you'll flip your packets to page seven, Rep. Curtis' firsthand account to the police begins with how he met Castagna -- at the Hollywood Erotic Boutique, where they exchanged phone numbers and Curtis said he would give Castagna $100 to "help him out for gas." The two later met at Spokane's Davenport Towers, got a room and discussed classical literature over tea and crumpets:

propel sucks

According to Castagna, Curtis had some radical opinions about said classical literature:

freak!

After the lively parry-thrust, Castagna took Curtis' billfold, saw his legislative ID and demanded $1,000. According to Curtis this was exortion, since Castagna was threatening to out him if he didn't pay up; Castagna, however, says that Curtis had offered him $1,000 beforehand and wasn't paying up. Either way, Curtis went to Spokane police with his story. He wasn't so sure about telling it all, but Det. Tim Madsen -- our new favorite person ever -- convinced Curtis with some delightful metaphors:

indeed it is out

Finally, a slogan! "Cocktober: The toothpaste comes out of the tube."

Search warrant affadavit [Spokeman Review]

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