Wait, So This Means Canadians Aren't Aliens?
This one's a bit off our usual turf, in more ways than one, but here goes: While America was expressing its gratitude for all things with characteristic gluttony, former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer was his steeling his nation's representative body for apparently imminent encounters with aliens. Hellyer has gotten Canada's Parilaiment to initiate hearings about the implications of such encounters and has also recruited three Canadian NGOs to join forces with him--because, hey, you have to be really bored to be working at a Canadian NGO.
The former defense minister first raised the alarums about the likelihood of new excursions into "exopolitics"--ie., relations with "ethical, advanced civilizations that may now be visiting Earth" back in September, at a speech at the University of Toronto. And oh yes, do we ever have excerpts:
"The secrecy involved in all matters pertaining to the Roswell incident was unparalled. The classification was, from the outset, above top secret, so the vast majority of U.S. officials and politicians, let alone a mere allied minister of defence, were never in-the-loop. . . . The United States military are preparing weapons which could be used against the aliens, and they could get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having any warning. . . . The Bush administration has finally agreed to let the military build a forward base on the moon, which will put them in a better position to keep track of the goings and comings of the visitors from space, and to shoot at them, if they so decide."
Well, you know how it is: We have to fight them on the moon so that we won't have to fight them here. Besides which, we already have it on good authority that the aliens will greet us as liberators.
No seriously, though, this is clear evidence that former Minister Hellyer is well and truly, uhm, "out of the loop." Because for quite some time, the working plan is to simply blow up the moon. And it's all the Russians' idea. -- HOLLY MARTINS