By the Comics Curmudgeon
Here is a dirty little secret about your Comics Curmudgeon: I actually have no idea how to draw. Really! None! Therefore, I probably have no place making fun of the earnest doodlings of others who only wish to entertain and educate us about the politics. Nevertheless! I have found that some political cartoonists seem to be having problems drawing the current spate of presidential candidates -- which is weird, because you have a comically tall skinny black dude with big ears running against a bald-headed, chipmunk-cheeked old gnome. So this week, inadequate caricatures will be called out and shamed! (The Sarah Palin drawings actually seem to be pretty good, since cartoonists are studying her photos carefully, while masturbating.)


Who it's supposed to be: John McCain.

Who it looks like: Lionel Barrymore as It's A Wonderful Life's Mr. Potter. This perhaps is supposed to be some kind of dig at McCain for secretly profiting off of misery and economic collapse, but it's pretty obvious that WALNUTS! doesn't understand the banking system well enough to use chaos to his advantage the way George Bailey's nemesis did. Accordingly, McCain's brainpan is much blunter than the egghead on display in this cartoon.

Who it's supposed to be: Joe Biden.

Who it looks like: Sam the Eagle, only not blue, and much, much angrier. This makes no sense, because everyone knows that Joe Biden is happy, all the time! Always with the big grin and the twinkly eyes! This is because Joe Biden is hepped up on goofballs at all times, which is also the reason he generally says any old thing that comes to his mind at any given moment, no matter where he is or who he's talking to.

Who it's supposed to be: Obama and McCain.

Who it looks like: Dead President/Allstate Insurance Spokesman Palmer from 24, and Joe Lieberman. I mean, right? Doesn't it look like Jowly Joe? McCain doesn't have anywhere near that much hair, for one thing, though obviously making any kind of reference to the terrible blight of his baldness puts you on the receiving end of whatever hateful epithet is rolling around the tip of his tongue at any given moment.

Who it's supposed to be: George W. Bush.

Who it looks like: A monkey? Whose face has been hit with a frying pan? And it's sitting in a chair? And has no legs for some reason? I dunno. This cartoonist is from Brazil, so I'm going to give him a pass on the assumption that they have no TV or newspapers or media of any kind down there and he's drawing this based on descriptions poorly translated into Portuguese.

Who it's supposed to be: McCain and Obama.

Who it looks like: Cantankerous toilet-paper pitchman Mr. Whipple, whom even rampant Charmin-squeezing could only drive to exasperation and not rage-laden tirades, and C. Thomas Howell -- who is not black, per se -- as he appeared in the smash '80s comedy Soul Man.

Who it's supposed to be: John McCain.

Who it looks like: John McCain, but with Rudy Giuliani's face unaccountably grafted onto the front of his head. OH MY GOD HOW HAS RUDY GIULIANI'S TERRIBLE FERRET FACE ESCAPED FROM THE REST OF HIM? WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!!

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