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Walnuts McCain's All Hatin' on New Hampshire Civil Unions

0001walnutz.jpgRyan Sager, writing in the New York Sun, has managed to pin down John McCain, a-flippin' and a-floppin' on civil unions. See, he used to be for this crazy stuff called "Federalism"--loosely defined as "keeping them Federal dickheads all outta our grill at the State level." But, fuck, we're living in post-Terri Schiavo America, now, and you just knew that the tuna-can sized robot brain McCain had installed in his skull was going to start screaming in his inner-ear: "PANDER TO THE EXTREME PART OF YOUR BASE, ASSHOLE!"


So, today, McCain's got a full-on no-homo agenda going:

While he reiterated his commitment to federalism, Mr. McCain further stated, "If I were a citizen of New Hampshire, I would oppose it. ... Anything that impinges or impacts the sanctity of the marriage between men and women, I'm opposed to it."

Of course, Walnuts returned home from Vietnam to discover that the sanctity of his own marriage to Carol Shepp had been threatened by a car accident that caused her to become disfigured and crutch-reliant. But you don't see McCain at every whistle-stop courageously leading the fight against car accidents! Or the fight to outlaw his own INIMITABLE SHITHEEL SHALLOWNESS! Do you?

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If there is anything that right-wing men seem to love, it is paying lots and lots of money to other dudes who will tell them how to live and/or function.

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Screenshot- Laura Ingraham Show

According to Rachel Campos Duffy, former reality TV personality and current Fox News personality, migrant baby jails are better than the "Projects". And she totally knows this for fact because she has a "black friend" who told her so. This totally mysterious black friend enlightened her on the horrors faced by black people in black places, which makes it perfectly okay for Trumpco to lock away those "privileged" brown babies. Also, stop being mean to her for spewing that hot garbage on the Laura Ingraham (who believes baby jails are like "Summer Camp") show, because it's not fair that you refuse to believe she has a black friend.

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