War With Iran Will Provide Fun Distraction From the Summer Heat
It wouldn't be the end of a disastrous presidency without a hostage crisis in Iran!
Iran is holding four Americans as prisoners or detainees or something, just because the US loudly announced a new $75 million project dedicated to overthrowing the Iranian government.
Thankfully, Bush is prepared to deliver as many strongly-worded calls for their release as it'll take to get the job done.
The head of the UN called us all crazies for wanting to start a war with them, but 9-year-old Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice promised that we're not planning any military action against them.
"The President of the United States has made it clear that we are on a course that is a diplomatic course," Ms. Rice said here. "That policy is supported by all of the members of the cabinet, and by the vice president of the United States."
Then she smirked and mouthed to reporters who traveled with her from the U.S., "PSYCH!"