Trump's Dreams Of Invading Chicago Dashed By Bill Barr, Federal Law, Reality

But he can have some 'surge,' as a treat.

Mean Bill Barr! President Bloodlust wants a race war, and Uncle Bill says "no." UNFAIR!

Ensconced in his Fox News bubble, Trump is apparently under the impression that sending the goon squad into Portland is going well, as opposed to galvanizing opposition to his administration and making local police departments look slightly less awful in comparison. It's an easy mistake to make when you spend literally half your waking hours bragging about a test for dementia which you "aced" two years ago.

The Daily Beast reports that there's been a battle playing out behind the scenes at the White House. On one side is the president, who wants to turn the streets of every Democratic city into a war zone. On the other said are his advisors, who may be stupid, but they're not crazy.

According to three people familiar with the president's private remarks, Trump previously envisioned an ostentatious, camera-ready show of force. He wanted to go after what he saw as violent gang leaders, flush them out of hiding in ways that would have them "shaking in their boots" like they never had before, and have alleged perpetrators marched out in front of the news cameras.

While Bill Barr waddles out to the podium promising to "surge" federal agents into American cities and show those cop-hating Democrats what's what, behind the scenes he's trying to talk Trump down from his wankfantasies of using federal troops to invade America. Which probably means that Portland-style occupations of Chicago, Detroit, and Baltimore are not in the cards. So thanks for that, Bill Barr, we guess.

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Is It ... Is It Truck Day Every Day Now?

Is it the White House, or your kid's preschool?

Yesterday reporters were assembled on the White House lawn to watch Donald Trump praise himself for rescuing the American economy from terrifying, MS-13 low-flow shower heads.

"So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn't come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn't come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer?" The president joked. "Because my hair — I don't know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect."


Also the scourge of energy efficient dishwashers.

Dishwashers — you didn't have any water, so you — the people that do the dishes — you press it, and it goes again, and you do it again and again. So you might as well give them the water because you'll end up using less water. So we made it so dishwashers now have a lot more water. And in many places — in most places of the country, water is not a problem. They don't know what to do with it. It's called "rain." They don't have a problem.

The people that do the dishes, who even are they?

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Maybe Trump Just Loves Putin More Than He Loves American Troops

Occam's Razor says THE FUCK YOU SAY?

Every single time there's an update on the story of Vladimir Putin paying Taliban fighters up to $100,000 per head for American troops' heads, it gets worse. The New York Times is a dog with a bone right now, reporting last night on the Afghan contractor who handed out the cash, for the dead American troops. Business Insider is also killing it lately, and reported late yesterday afternoon confirmations from the Taliban, which went to pains to add that Only Bad Talibans do such things. Those Talibans are Tali-BAD, and if they keep this up, they are going to be Tali-BANNED.

OK we'll stop.

Point is, it keeps getting worse, and Donald Trump has definitely been briefed on this by now, but he's either unwilling or not allowed to do anything about it, because of how Putin may very well control him in some way.

The Washington Post reported Thursday night on Trump's plans to stick his thumbs up his unpatriotic ass and continue doing nothing:

The White House is not planning an immediate response to intelligence reports of Russian bounties given to Taliban-linked militants to kill U.S. and coalition forces in Afghanistan because President Trump does not believe the reports are true or "actionable," according to two senior administration officials.

He just doesn't believe it, you guys. He's not "convinced." Just like the coronavirus, he thinks it's another fake news Democrat witch hoax meant to hurt him, which is exactly what he tweeted about it Wednesday morning.

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Trump Keeps Claiming Russian Bounties 'Unverified.' We Do Not Think It Means What He Thinks It Means.

It's not 'unverified' if everyone knows it but the president is too busy watching teevee to read his intel briefs.

The White House would like you to believe that America's intelligence agencies are so incompetent that they couldn't "verify" the Russian bounty payments to kill American troops, when half of Afghanistan knew about it a year ago. The New York Times needed just five days to track down the guy handing out Russian cash, but somehow the CIA and military couldn't work it out for two straight years. That is really the story they're going with here. Because Donald Trump is stupid, and the people around him know he's stupid, and they're desperately hoping that you are also stupid and will believe any stupid nonsense they put out there.

"We always act in the best interest of our troops, but this is unverified still at this very moment," White House Liar Kayleigh McEnany told reporters yesterday, even as National Security Advisor Robert O'Brien was briefing congress on GRU wires of hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash to Taliban agents.

Here on Planet Earth, American intelligence agencies have known for more than a year about Putin's bounty scheme. As the Times reported Tuesday, US officials spotted cash flowing into Afghanistan from Unit 29155 of the GRU, i.e. the same guys who sent assassins to smear nerve agent on Sergei Skripal's doorknob in England. That's how they knew which house in Kabul to raid six months ago to find $500,000 in cash. Which seems like pretty decent verification, TBQH!

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