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Don't Boo, Vote! Wonkagenda For Mon., Nov. 5, 2018

Trump makes the midterms about scary brown people, and Republicans have a white nationalist problem. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Culture

Deleted Comments: Trump Doesn't Encourage Violence. It's All Anita's Fault!

The Comment Czar's in Town

Stressed out over the election and the general everythingness of this crapsack world we find ourselves in? Let's dip into the Deleted Comments Silo and see what wonders there may be! It's been a while, so we have a big backlog of derp to get to over the next few installments of Dear Shitferbrains!

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News

How Sure Are We That Beto O'Rourke Will Lead Blue Wave In Senate? REAL DAMN SURE! ​

OK, Pretty damn sure. But y'all need to VOTE.

Election's on Tuesday, and the prospects for Democrats to take the US Senate back remain pretty much what they were when we started profiling all this year's Senate races in March: Long shot, but definitely could happen. And in several races, Dems' prospects look better now than they did in the spring. Also a huge factor: if polling in midterms is usually iffy, polling for the 2018 midterms has more ifs than David Brooks holding a seance with the shade of David Broder.

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Russia

'Consider It A Rifle.' Wonkagenda For Fri., Nov. 2, 2018

They want to have a massacree. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

'When I Can, I Tell The Truth.' Wonkagenda for Thurs., Nov. 1, 2018

Trump will build his wall with soldiers, there's a new "Willie Horton ad," and more post-Halloween horrors. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

SPOOKY. Wonkagenda For Wed., Oct. 31, 2018

Squirrel Hill mourns and chases Trump out of town, Steve King is in big trouble, and the Proud Boys get banned. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Everywhere Else News

Mohammad Bone Saw SHOCKED To Find Khashoggi Murder Premeditated

He'll get to the bottom of this 'heinous crime'!

It's not that Donald Trump objects to the murder of journalists, of course. Particularly brown ones, with weird names like "Jamal Khashoggi," who get assassinated overseas in Not America. And working for the Jeff Bezos unregistered lobbyist Washington Post? PFFFFT! No, what Trump really objects to is the embarrassingly low production values.

A team of Saudi assassins with ties to the Crown Prince fly in the night before with a bone saw in their luggage. They have this stupid body double sneak out the back wearing the dead man's clothes and a stick-on beard to wave at cameras in Istanbul. Leaving aside the fact that he doesn't even look like Khashoggi, he forgets the guy's shoes and wanders around wearing his own tacky blue sneakers. And to top it all off, the consulate is bugged -- yeah, no shit it is -- and the Turks get the whole thing on tape?

What kind of crappy, low rent, shithole hitjob is this?

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Russia

You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Nice. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Oct. 25, 2018

More bombs discovered, Trump blames the media (again), and zombie TrumpCare just won't die. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

Nuclear Treaties? John Bolton Just Wants To Blow Some Sh*t Up

It's Trump's bomb, we're just along for the ride.

On Friday, Trump's White House announced it wanted to kill a Soviet-era arms treaty. Over the weekend, people who try to prevent nuclear holocausts noted that this was a bad idea and urged the administration to reconsider. Today, Trump's resident war machine, John Bolton, went to Moscow to formally announce that we're going all-in on the Trump Cold War. Now might be a good time to start practicing that old "duck and cover" routine.

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Everywhere Else News

Saudi Security Chief Skyped In And Touched Someone. (Khashoggi. To Death.)

OH, COME ON! Mohammed bin Salman's security chief Saud al-Qahtani SKYPED IN to the attack on Jamal Khashoggi? Reuters reports,

According to one high-ranking Arab source with access to intelligence and links to members of Saudi Arabia's royal court, Qahtani was beamed into a room of the Saudi consulate via Skype.

He began to hurl insults at Khashoggi over the phone. According to the Arab and Turkish sources, Khashoggi answered Qahtani's insults with his own. But he was no match for the squad, which included top security and intelligence operatives, some with direct links to the royal court.

A Turkish intelligence source relayed that at one point Qahtani told his men to dispose of Khashoggi. "Bring me the head of the dog", the Turkish intelligence source says Qahtani instructed.

And then they took Khashoggi's clothes, pasted a fake beard on the body double, and sent him out the back door to wave at cameras all over Istanbul. Meanwhile the autopsy expert, who had packed his lucky bone saw and loaded up his dissection playlist for the trip from Saudi Arabia, got to work. Because Qahtani, MBS's top aide, had asked for Khashoggi's actual head. And pissing off MBS can be really bad for your health. Just ask the dozens of royal cousins who left their fingernails at the Ritz Carlton Riyadh while being convinced to turn assets over to the government. Or the women's rights activists rotting in jail. Or the former Lebanese prime minister, Saad Hariri, who pissed off MBS by failing to sufficiently stand up to Iranian-backed factions in his own country. MBS had him kidnapped and beaten until he agreed to resign on national television. Or ask the prince's own mother, Princess Fahda bint Falah Al Hathleen, who has been kept under house arrest to keep her from warning his father King Salman to rein in his ambitious heir before it's too late. NBC reports that the aging king has been prevented from seeing his wife for two years at least.

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White Nonsense

Beware The Return Of Zombie TrumpCare Junior, Again. Wonkagenda For Tues., Oct. 23, 2018

Turkey's drip-drip-drip, Trump strips away MORE healthcare protections, and Alex Jones yells at a pile of shit. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Everywhere Else News

'Bone Saw Body Double' Such Bad Plan, Jared Kushner Could Have Come Up With It

We're beyond parody at this point.

Hang it up, Tarantino! You will never top the Saudis for bumbling gore. Life has overtaken art! Remember way back at the beginning of this hideous Bone Saw Saga when the Saudis said, "NUH UH! Jamal Khashoggi snuck out the back door of the Turkish consulate, totally unharmed. And we can prove it!" More or less.

Turns out, in addition to the bone saw and the autopsy expert with his dismemberment playlist queued up on the iPod, the 15-man entourage that flew into Istanbul to meet the dissident reporter contained a BODY DOUBLE. As is customary for consular visits with critics of the Kingdom, no doubt.

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Russia

'We Got A Great Big Convoy.' Wonkagenda For Mon. Oct. 22, 2018

Turkey's got tapes, there's more Russian hacking, and a caravan immigrants. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Guns

Bone Saw Week Overtime: The Fisticuffs Edition

These sequels keep getting dumber.

Did we say Bone Saw Week was over? Remind us never to do that again! This horror show has more episodes than the Friday the 13th movies. The pixels had barely dried on our Friday afternoon post on the murder of dissident Saudi reporter Jamal Khashoggi, a US resident, when the Saudi government came out with yet another preposterous explanation for Khashoggi's death.

What had happened was, a 60-year-old reporter walked into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul and started a fight with 15 armed men who had flown in just hours before to meet him. Despite having told his friends that he could never safely go home to KSA, he came to discuss returning to the Kingdom with the 15 men. One of whom was a coroner. And another of whom had brought a bonesaw for the discussion. And his favorite autopsy play list. Unfortunately, a fight broke out between the reporter and the 15 men, and Khashoggi got dead. Something happened to his body, and then all the men got on a plane and went home so the consulate could get on with repainting. Several of the men made calls to the royal palace that day, but Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman never knew anything about their rogue operation. And now MBS will supervise a commission to reform his kingdom's intelligence service to ensure that no further fisticuffs take place in Saudi diplomatic facilities. So, we good?

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