Vapid publisher's spouse and party-planning expert Sally Quinn has heaved up another of her insightful "On Faith" columns. This is a person who has in the past used her column to explore the spiritual dilemmas involved inchoosing a Dancing With the Stars victor; explaining that 50 Shades of Grey actually reflects a "religious phenomenon" (holy fuck!); oh, and by the way, no big deal, told a panel this week that she is a witch (we can hardly wait to see what the Maine GOP thinks of that!). So we were not expecting Deep Thought; but this time she's gone especially shallow:

When Mitt Romney mentioned the “Creator” in the debate Wednesday, he owned it. “We’re all children of the same God,” he said.

That’s about 85 percent of the country he was talking to. That should have been President Obama’s constituency but he let Romney have it as he let Romney have the debate.

We were not aware that it was actually possible to call dibs on The Almighty, but Mitt apparently did indeed own that round, and Obama compounded his error by missing the chance to call "shotgun."

She goes on to extol Romney for citing the Declaration of Independence's statement that our rights come from "our Creator," an innovative strategy that no previous candidate had apparently ever considered. She quotes, but makes no comment on, Romney's peculiar exegesis of "the pursuit of happiness" to include "making sure that those people who are less fortunate and can’t care for themselves" are cared for but with the limitation that that care be provided "by one another," apparently through private charities, not a nasty government safety net.

Quinn then turns to some other truths that she finds self-evident:

This is a religious country. Part of claiming your citizenship is claiming a belief in God, even if you are not Christian.. We’ve got the Creator in our Declaration of Independence. We’ve got “In God We Trust” on our coins. We’ve got “one nation under God” in our Pledge of Allegiance. And we say prayers in the Senate and the House of Representatives to God.

An atheist could never get elected dog catcher, much less president.

We think we're supposed to be impressed by her broad-mindedness at allowing theists of all stripes to claim citizenship, "even if you are not Christian" (presumably this includes lapsed witches like herself). But those of us unfit to even be dog catchers might have a teensy quibble with Quinn's vision of "Americanism." It is most likely because we are constantly angry malcontents who lack a moral code. Or maybe because we take that "freedom" stuff far too seriously and think it means us? We get silly about that. Like Americans so often do.

Up until now, the idea of being American and believing in God were synonymous.

...At least they were, to anyone who mattered, right? To a degree, Quinn's idiot nostalgia for those easy assumptions is actually good news -- she seems to recognize that those days aren't coming back, however she might pine for them. But then she's right back to her notion that "the God vote" is a winner-take-all contest. Noting that most Democrats have finally accepted that it's easier to wear American-flag lapel pins than to be branded unpatriotic, lest Fox News blast them for their shocking lack of patriotism, Quinn then suggests that President Obama could make a lot of headway by adopting another empty gesture:

If Obama wants to win the next debate, he needs to wear God, as much as it offends him to do so, the same way he captured the flag for this one.

But why stop there? Since America is a nation where people are free to attend any church, synagogue, or mosque to worship Jesus in the way they choose, maybe Obama should take the opportunity at the next debate to let the Holy Spirit come over him and begin speaking in tongues. At the very least, the moderator could could offer the candidates a chance to handle poisonous snakes.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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