Good morning, Wonkers, and happy God Loves America Best Weekend! We will not be saying many "words" at you for the next couple of days -- some words here and there, maybe, with most of them being "pussy" -- but wanted to bring you this lovely bipartisan Nice Time of Lindsey Graham crying like a little bitch about ... Old Handsome Joe Biden being "as good a man as God ever created." Let's do it!

Well looks like Lindsey Graham is never going to get the GOP nomination now, oh well, and things were looking so promis ... hahahahahahahaha just kidding.

How else has OHJB been in our newsfeed this week? Just by being Kickass Joe for as long as anyone can remember is all!

Dear Branden,

It was a pleasure meeting you yesterday. You are a fine, bright young man with a great future ahead of you if you continue to work hard.

Remember what I told you about stuttering. You can beat it just like I did. When you do, you will be a stronger man for having won. Also remember, every time you are tempted to make fun of someone with a problem, how it feels when you are made fun of.

Treat everyone with respect and you will be respected yourself.

Your friend,

Joe Biden

Hear that? Or did you hear it FIVE TIMES because Joe Biden, like this former kid, USED TO STUTTER! And it made him the Empathy Champeen who kicked other kids' asses and did awesome pranks on old mean persons -- but awesome pranks with the Rachel Carson Seal of Approval!

This has been your Old Handsome Joe Biden God Loves America Best Weekend Bipartisan Nice Time, be sure to buy a handsome mug with his handsome mug. Bye bye!


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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