We Decided To Actually Have 'Winners' For Our Caption Contest For A Change!
Congratulations, Wonkers! We have decided that you are not quite so terrible at caption contests anymore! Don't get a big head or anything, though. But youreally came through on this fine photograph of three nerds taking what the kids these days call a selife! And after the jump, our winner! (Such suspense!)
Our big winner, who will actually receive a prize of a totebag or some other Wonket trinkette as Rebecca decides, rather than an "Obamaphone," is totally brill commenter "damanoid" for this delightfully "meta" caption:
"Look at this site-- they're terrible at this! Neil, you've seen better captions generated by the random fluctuation of interstellar hydrogen."
Damanoid, you magnificent bastard, we liked your caption! Please furnish your "name" and mailing address to Yr Dok Zoom at doktorzoom at-sign wonkette dot-or-period com, and we will send your prize! We won't even hit you up for a "processing fee" or sell your information to any Nigerian Princes.
Our runners-up, in order of when they appeared, but not order of quality, because rankings are fascist:
- hollyrocks209: I love all three of them, but, to play the game: Obama, Nye, Tyson.
- Goonemeritus: “History will want a picture of the moment when believing in Jesus became a crime”.
- elviouslyqueer: "This one's for you, South Carolina Department of Education."
- Negropolis: God bless him, but one of these guys is just the president, is all.
- jerbsheep: "Let's skype James Inhofe and watch him shit himself"
- JFlowman: "Watch this. When I push this button Fox News starts showing a 'Cosmos' marathon. And if I push this button Sarah Palin disappears. Cool, eh?
- And from the tipline, from "M.S.": President Obama, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and Bill Nye take an excited "before" picture on their way to IHOP for stuffed French toast. All three topping choices come with a dusting of powdered sugar and cool and creamy whipped topping.
And there were many others that we would have included, but there's only so much copypasting a guy wants to do on a warm summer afternoon.
Give yourselves a pat on the back for finally overcoming the "terrible at captions" curse! You are truly like the 2004 Red Sox! But we'll keep abusing you about how you are terrible at caption contests, because goddamnit, we believe in tradition, you filthy Doug-fuckers.
Update: Sara Benincasa informs us that the phrase is "filthy fuckaducks." Wonkette regrets the error, and apologizes to Doug.
More contests coming at you. Probably on Mondays, except when we forget! Keep watching the skies!
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He believes that you believe in You.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.