We Decided To Actually Have 'Winners' For Our Caption Contest For A Change!


Congratulations, Wonkers! We have decided that you are not quite so terrible at caption contests anymore! Don't get a big head or anything, though. But youreally came through on this fine photograph of three nerds taking what the kids these days call a selife! And after the jump, our winner! (Such suspense!)

Our big winner, who will actually receive a prize of a totebag or some other Wonket trinkette as Rebecca decides, rather than an "Obamaphone," is totally brill commenter "damanoid" for this delightfully "meta" caption:

"Look at this site-- they're terrible at this! Neil, you've seen better captions generated by the random fluctuation of interstellar hydrogen."

Damanoid, you magnificent bastard, we liked your caption! Please furnish your "name" and mailing address to Yr Dok Zoom at doktorzoom at-sign wonkette dot-or-period com, and we will send your prize! We won't even hit you up for a "processing fee" or sell your information to any Nigerian Princes.

Our runners-up, in order of when they appeared, but not order of quality, because rankings are fascist:

  • hollyrocks209: I love all three of them, but, to play the game: Obama, Nye, Tyson.
  • Goonemeritus: “History will want a picture of the moment when believing in Jesus became a crime”.
  • elviouslyqueer: "This one's for you, South Carolina Department of Education."
  • Negropolis: God bless him, but one of these guys is just the president, is all.
  • jerbsheep: "Let's skype James Inhofe and watch him shit himself"
  • JFlowman: "Watch this. When I push this button Fox News starts showing a 'Cosmos' marathon. And if I push this button Sarah Palin disappears. Cool, eh?
  • And from the tipline, from "M.S.": President Obama, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and Bill Nye take an excited "before" picture on their way to IHOP for stuffed French toast. All three topping choices come with a dusting of powdered sugar and cool and creamy whipped topping.

And there were many others that we would have included, but there's only so much copypasting a guy wants to do on a warm summer afternoon.

Give yourselves a pat on the back for finally overcoming the "terrible at captions" curse! You are truly like the 2004 Red Sox! But we'll keep abusing you about how you are terrible at caption contests, because goddamnit, we believe in tradition, you filthy Doug-fuckers.

Update: Sara Benincasa informs us that the phrase is "filthy fuckaducks." Wonkette regrets the error, and apologizes to Doug.

More contests coming at you. Probably on Mondays, except when we forget! Keep watching the skies!

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He believes that you believe in You.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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DHS photo (Every damn ICE pic looks like this)

Donald Trump's immigration goon squads were all set to start mass arrests and deportations of families in multiple cities Sunday, but before the raids started, he tweeted Saturday that he'd decided to delay the operation by two weeks -- to allow Democrats a chance to join Republicans in trashing US asylum law. Trump took a phone call Friday evening from Nancy Pelosi urging him to hold off on the raids, although it's also possible that internal disagreements about the operation at the Department of Homeland Security may have been part of the reason for the delay, too. In the meantime, Trump gets to terrify undocumented families some more and rant about deporting "millions," although the planned operation was actually targeted only at a couple thousand people who have already received deportation orders.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement had been gearing up to start raids in 10 US cities, including Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, and Baltimore, to show how tough America is, and never mind that the sweeps would certainly have led to more family separations, as ICE scooped up at least some undocumented parents of children born in the US. The news also comes while the media is reporting filthy, inhuman conditions at the border camps where newly arrested immigrants, including babies, are being packed in, leading to plenty of awkward questions about why the government suddenly wants to arrest more people in the interior of the country? (Hint: President Eichmann just announced his reelection bid.)

The Great Deporter announced the delay of the operation Saturday by Twitter, as if that were normal, then followed up with more bluster Sunday.

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Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019

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