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We Get It: Kellyanne Conway Is A Lying Lie-Bag, Stop Putting Her On TV

Culture

Kellyanne Conway embarrasses herself just by existing. She embarrasses her husband, who sources close to Conway's own mouth claim is a backstabbing ass. She also embarrasses everyone who still believes in a just and benign God because despite everything, Conway lives in swanky comfort paid for by lies and puppy blood. Embarrassment has its privileges.

CNN's Chris Cuomo spoke Conway's name three times in front of a severely sun-damaged mirror Thursday night, and Conway crawled out to gracelessly obfuscate at the pleasure of the president and to fry our logic circuits with the sort of weapons-grade deceit they won't even sell you on the street. Unfortunately, when Conway tried to claim that Donald Trump had "broken the back" of the opioid crisis like he's some villainous masked wrestler, Cuomo spoiled the party by telling her she can't come on his show and lie through her teeth.


Cuomo stone-cold told her that if she wants to lie she has to go on Fox. (Conway was probably thinking, "Yeah, why the hell am I not on Fox right now? I could get a foot rub from Tucker Carlson or Laura Ingraham, which would really boost the audience share.") This clearly threw Conway. It's like having Penn & Teller on your talk show and not letting them do magic. Then you've just got a guy who doesn't speak and a guy who lost a lot of weight eating potatoes. You can't even discuss potatoes with Conway. She'll just tell you your sweet potato is a yam.

I don't know why any reputable news program would book Conway anyway. She is physically incapable of telling the truth and if she ever succeeded, her head would probably explode like in the film Scanners. All you know for certain with her is that she's Kellyanne Conway and as a friend on Twitter said, it's possible she's even lying about that.

I'm on record as not enjoying these combative style "interviews." Nothing is solved and no valuable information is conveyed. You can yell all day at an incompetent doctor about what a hack they are, but eventually someone is going to die from all that malpractice. It's best not to let them into the hospital in the first place. Conway, who should've been pitchforked and torched out of town after creating the monster of "alternative facts," actually suggested to Cuomo that CNN "interfered" in the 2016 election when they reported on the October surprise release of Trump's 2005 "grab 'em buy the pussy" bootleg track. This isn't funny or just stupid. It's a furthering of Trump's own sinister narrative that the non-FOX/Brietbart media is more an "enemy of the people" than Putin's Russia.

This is at the end of a week of uniformly negative coverage related to Trump and the growing number of felons he's employed. Non-state media is reporting on this rather than the Tooth Fairy (no, seriously) because it is relevant and part of the press's responsibility to keep the public reliably informed of the actions of its government. Conway wants the viewing public to believe the lie that any news that hurts Trump is inherently malicious and a personal attack against the president. This is how a malignant narcissist views the world, and when Conway spits lies on TV, she enables and helps spread Trump's sickness.

The Daily Caller on Friday defended Conway. Mediaite high-fived Cuomo. We are right back where we started but Conway was able to plant a seed of repulsiveness Thursday night and we'll just have to wait for it to grow. So, again, I plead with every legitimate news organization: If Kellyanne Conway were homeless and ranting on the bus next to you, give her the $5 that's left on your Starbucks card so she can get a stale day-old scone (or a fresh one, it's hard to tell with US-made scones). But don't further Conway's personal enrichment at all our expense with a slot on your show.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.

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