Donate

We Must All Pray To Allah For A Gingrich-Perry Dream Ticket

News

Fox News' Carl Cameronreported an EXCLUSIVE (MUST CREDIT DERRICK BELL) story yesterday about the possibility of Newt Gingrich "forming a predetermined ticket with Perry [that] will unite the evangelical, Tea Party and very conservative voters" and allow them to win the nomination at the convention. Both Gingrich and Perry's people are publicly denying that they've talked about this, but come on -- this has all the trappings of an authentic Newt Gingrich Big Idea.


The rationale here must be... that... if a bomb-throwing, incompetent, frighteningly spontaneous candidate with narrow general election appeal could be balanced on the bottom half of the ticket with a bomb-throwing, incompetent, frighteningly spontaneous candidate with narrow general election appeal, then convention delegates would obviously rush at the opportunity to thrust this clown duo into a general election matchup against Barack Obama. Gingrich/Perry -- it's got "acceptable to a broad national coalition" right there on the label!

But we shouldn't underestimate the ability of 2012 Republican convention delegates to see a big red blinking button saying "ELECTORAL SUICIDE" and press it forcefully, after determining that the button is acting like a Yankee snob that thinks it knows everything. So yeah, this'll probably happen.

[CNN/Fox News]

$
Donate with CC

We feel like we say this a lot during these dark days of the Trump era, but WHAT IN THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DID WE JUST WATCH? And how in the hell can anyone who claims to give a shit about this country be OK with the public tongue-bath Donald Trump just gave Vladimir Putin on live TV?

The reviews are starting to roll in:

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Elon Musk, Space Trash Cowboy

Silicon Valley's most arrogant asswipe is not a baby, he just pays people to wipe his ass.

Everywhere Else News

STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES! Elon Musk has been wronged! Newspapers, throw away your front pages! TV talking heads, scrap your A and B bloc! Someone change the tickers in Times Square!

BREAKING NEWS: MAN CALLS ELON MUSK AN ASSHOLE!

When Vern Unsworth, the British cave explorer who helped rescue the trapped Thai soccer team, told CNN that Musk's mini-sub was a "PR Stunt" that had "absolutely no chance of working," he clearly wounded Musk's delicate constitution. But then Unsworth had to go a step further and tell Musk to "stick his submarine where it hurts."

Musk responded like a fucking adult by Tweeting that he never saw Unsworth when he flew to Thailand to personally deliver his mini-sub last week, adding, "Sorry Pedo guy, you really did ask for it."

"Pedo" -- short for "pedophile" -- seems a bit harsh and also a tiny bit libelous. This caused the Twitterverse to lose their minds and criticize Musk for being an asshole (again). Since Elon Musk is a gazillionaire with tons of free tweetin' time on his hands, he responded to his critics by doubling-down, "Bet ya a signed dollar it's true."

Musk later deleted the tweets and retreated to the relative safety of his secret moon base. Unsworth is now threatening to sue Musk, telling a Australian news outlet, "This is not finished. I think people realize what sort of guy he is."

The whole ordeal started started when Musk posted an unnecessarily dramatic video of a small submarine built out of a fuel pod used in one of the Space X rockets. The idea of stuffing a child in a tiny metal tube sounded amazing to fanboys, but a number of people immediately wondered if the hastily assembled claustrophobia simulator was ambi-turner.

Maybe Musk is just butthurt over all that money he was caught donating to Republican pacs? Maybe he's just venting after the NLRB said Musk violated labor laws when he discouraged Tesla workers from unionizing? Maybe we should change those front pages once again!

BREAKING NEWS: ELON MUSK STILL A BIG ASSHOLE.

[WSJ / NBC News / BBC / Business Insider]

Wonkette is ad-free and reader supported, and thinks Elon Musk should STFU.

$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc