We Only Pray He Doesn't Get to the Bit About Divine Right of Kings
Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales on Monday ordered a side-by-side review of American and British counterterrorism laws as a first step toward determining whether further changes in American law are warranted.
Suggested changes in American anti-terrorism law, based on British law:
- FBI agents should sport funny hats, bushy mustaches.
- More cunning, impeccably-dressed detectives.
- Interrogations must involve beatings with oversized comedy truncheons.
- Pursuit of suspected terrorists shall be sped-up, involve more scantily-clad women, set to Yakety Sax.
- Not freaking everyone the fuck out with trumped-up busts of imbeciles "planning" impossible but terrifying plots involving blowing up Sears Tower with oil-soaked rag or knocking over Brooklyn Bridge by putting on weight, jumping up and down on it.
- Catching terrorists.