You might think that perusing the gossip rags demeans our essential mission of bringing you sober, important insight into American politics. But in fact, you can learn a lot about the people running our country that way. Take Stephen Baldwin, for example. He loves George Bush, and he loves Jesus. A lot. He loves Jesus a lot.

"I like to ask friends of mine, happy couples who seem to have a pretty good marriage, I will ask them, 'How's your sex life?'" Alec Baldwin's little brother writes in a new book excerpted in the upcoming Esquire mag. "They will say something like pretty good or okay or no complaints here. Here's what I tell them: Imagine taking a healthy sex life and inviting the power of God into that exchange."

"Imagine taking a healthy sex life and then FUCKING IT UP by trying to think about God while you're screwing." Baldwin plans to make a sequel to Threesome, his 1994 pean to polymorphous perversity and sodomy, called Threesome With Jesus, Followed By Onesome.

Later in the same column, we learn that movie studio security services feel uncomfortable asking Donald Rumsfeld to leave.

Whatever does Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld do when he's not planning his brilliant Iraq strategy? According to Premiere magazine, he hangs around movie sets -- as in a recent visit to the Clint Eastwood-directed war epic "Flags of Our Fathers." Cast member Jesse Bradford marvels, "What was funny is that he stuck around for a while. It's like, 'Don't you have anything better to do? You're supposed to be running the country.'"

Ha ha! Jesse Bradford doesn't understand who does and doesn't run the country! Or maybe he understands a little too well.

Lloyd Grove's Lowdown [NYDN] (second and fourth items; do not read first item unless you want to encounter frivolous material about underwear models)

(Bloated Baldwin photo courtesy Getty Images)


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