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  • Are you sick of primaries yet? Yes? Too bad! There are several more of them today! Sex maniac Nikki Haley will probably win, after Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin turned her into a proxy for America, by fighting for her love. Also, a black conservative will probably beat Strom Thurmond's son; a lesbian is running against Utah's sole Democratic congressman, because he hates health care; and a couple of super-boring people are running for the Democratic nomination for North Carolina Senate. [NPR/WP/CBS/CSM]
  • Gays pissed that they still can't get married or serve openly in the military ought to console themselves with the fact that they can take time off from work to take care of their partner's sick kid. By allowing them to do this, Obama is ruining America, say the usual predictable jackasses. [WP]
  • Citizens of Fremont, Nebraska, will be packing their own meat, now that they've voted to kick out all the illegal immigrants, who are the primary employees for the town's main industry. [AP]
  • Health insurers had better not use the recently passed (but not yet implemented) health care reform law to raise premiums, or the government will be really pissed! [NYT]
  • Congress is going to take an extra week to go kiss voters' asses and, more importantly, not pass new laws that will enrage said voters. [WP]
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