Weepy Rod Blagojevich To Rot In Prison For 14 Years
The end of the comedy career of noted political humorist Rod Blagojevich has finally comeas he was sentenced to 168 months in jail today, because America has lost its taste for jokes, rampant male sexiness and Elvis impersonators in one fell swoop. Blaggy has had many valuable fucking contributions to humor, such as the time he dragged a dead Illinois child onto stage at a press conference, or the time he outed himself as a secret Negro because he shined shoes as a child, just to name a couple! Annnnd we could fill this space with several thousand more examples that can also be easily found with a quick search of the Wonkette archives, but let us hear what Rod had to say for himself before sentencing...
He apologized! Poor Blago had to go "full nuclear" and for the first time in his life admit to the smallest hint of self-awareness. Will miracles never cease?
From the Chicago Sun-Times:
"I want to take this opportunity to apologize to you for fighting this case in the media," Blagojevich told Judge Zagel.
"I also want to apologize for challenging the prosecutors. I was very keen on your comments yesterday on how I saw it as a 'boxing match. 'I saw it actually that way. I studied Alexander Hamilton, back in the 18th Century... It was inappropriate. It was childish and not productive."
Blagojevich apologized for all his comments he said were "immature...petty...ugly...self-centered...self-absorbed."
"If this case was about being self-absorbed, I would have walked in and plead guilty immediately," Blagojevich said.
Blago has been sorry for all this since he began studying politics in the eighteenth century, is how sorry he is. Find any convicted felon today who is more sorry than that! To which the judge said of his apology, "you must be fucking kidding me." And then Blaggy wept. All that self-awareness for nothing! [Chicago Sun-Times/Twitter]