Welcome To Mr. Hannity's Neighborhood, Where Trump Has Absolute Power And That's JUST GREAT
This is not literally true, we must report.
I'm not a white person of a certain age terrified that my place in the world is diminishing thanks to an advancing modernity I don't fully comprehend, but if I were, I'd find FOX News a wonderful resource. The sad sack liberal or average person of color scans the news in horror each morning to discover mounting evidence that the current president is a mentally unbalanced recreational liar who acts like a wiseguy from Goodfellas. But if we were just open-minded enough to visit our friendly neighborhood Sean Hannity, the Mr. Rogers for petty racist children of all ages, we'd feel a lot better:
.@seanhannity: "President @realDonaldTrump and his legal team— they do have the power to literally order @TheJusticeDept to actually initiate an investigation, end an investigation, and by the way, for any reason. That is within the president's constitutional authority." #Hannity pic.twitter.com/xtR8y62W5C
— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 5, 2018
See how passionately Hannity explained that the president of the United States can do pretty much whatever he wants? He even invited over "attorney after attorney" -- who probably risked disbarment just by appearing on his show, if this was a just world -- to beat you idiots over the head with the not-so-complicated legal principle that the president is above the law.
This is what your suburban grandparents are watching. It's like every evening, they're figuratively strapped down while Sean's blustery spittle pours over them while they just relax:
— ThePoliticalInsider (@TPInsidr) June 4, 2018
Giuliani, who used to believe selling loose cigarettes was a capital offense, has apparently mellowed since then and now suggests Trump could just shoot fools in the Oval Office or drop them into fire pits.
As has been stated by numerous legal scholars, I have the absolute right to PARDON myself, but why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong? In the meantime, the never ending Witch Hunt, led by 13 very Angry and Conflicted Democrats (& others) continues into the mid-terms!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 4, 2018
Poor Trump thinks the Constitution is practically begging for him to commit crimes so he can PARDON himself. Nope.
Weasel in the shape of a weasel Ted Cruz was asked if Trump could self-pardon (I imagine it's sort of like trying to scratch your lower back), and in response he transformed into a less appealing Lucille Bluth and said, "I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it":
At this point, none of the investigations has demonstrated any criminal conduct needing to be pardoned, as much as those who hate the president might wish otherwise.
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) June 5, 2018
It's not even worth a second of self-proclaimed Constitutionalist Ted Cruz's weaselly time to look into the matter because it's not like Trump is in any immediate legal jeopardy. Besides, even if he were, we can all trust Trump to behave honestly, according to this well-respected (at least by Ted Cruz) character witness:
Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).