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We’re All Getting Rich On Mitt Romney’s First Day, Video Says

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Well tut tut, a Friday news dump: Mitt Romney's first general election ad! Since it's an official ad, it's nice and sunny and banal, unlike the "HOW MANY FOUNDING FATHERS DID OBAMA RAPE TODAY?" ones that his forty Super PACs will be running nonstop. It's about Mitt Romney's first day. What will happen? It will be sunny and tractors will cut wheat. A man will open a door in front of his Small Business. Each American will get five Keystone pipelines. Romney will "issue order to begin" fixing the health care system by eliminating the health care system and replacing it with tax cuts. Savvy young tech whizzes will play on the computer. Mitt Romney will give a speech before a joint session of Congress, on Day 1. A black lady in a business suit will fold her arms and smile because of Mitt Romney. He will stand next to a black man for two seconds for the cameras. Also too, Reforms. Then he'll jump off a cliff, in despair, maybe. The years 2013-2017 will be "good for America," hehe, hoo boy.


UPDATE: He will also shake a black lady's hand for half a second; we missed this part. That's three, quota met!

[via Outside the Beltway]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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