Oh what a week it has been! The Democratic National Convention On FaceTime has been pretty great, actually. The speakers have been on message with each other, the evenings' festivities have been condensed into two very digestible hours that allow for people to watch A WHOLE MOVIE afterward if they want, and Barack and Michelle Obama told us we're all gonna die if we don't vote. (They're not wrong.) We hopefully inaugurated a new tradition of doing the roll call virtually at night, instead of in a big arena during the day when nobody cares, which is exactly how we should do it in 2024 when we are hopefully all together again in a city for an in-person convention. (You know, if we have a 2024 election. Refer to what the Obamas said about GONNA DIE if we don't vote.)

And tonight is the big night! Joe Biden will make his big speech, and it will be a whole thing, and you will drink every time he says "malarkey" or tells Donald Trump he didn't build that. And then the convention will be over, and it'll be time to get ready to LOL at how poorly the Republicans "planned" their convention next week, not that we're gonna be watching that shit each night, nope, hell no, fuck off.

We get started in just a few minutes!

lying joe biden GIF Giphy



The theme of the night is Hunter Biden Did A Burisma In Ukraine America's Promise, and we are sure it'll be just great. The "Don't Call Us Dixie" Chicks are going to perform, and we'll hear from Cory Booker, Andrew Yang, Pete Buttigieg, Atlanta mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms, Tammy Duckworth, and also some other people. That'll be the first hour. Biden's thing will be in the second hour.

And we will watch party it together! And we will MAKE OUR PLAN TO VOTE and also HELP EVERYBODY WE KNOW MAKE THEIR PLAN TO VOTE, because like the Obamas said, if we don't, we're all gonna. die.

Here is your livestream:

Live: Democratic National Convention Day 4 | Featuring Joe Biden | NBC News www.youtube.com

Tip your bartenders, and y'all be safe getting home from "internet" tonight! Goodbye!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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