Wonkette readers want to know: What would a John Roberts confirmation mean for them? It's hard to say, because we don't know anything. That has never stopped us before! So: we do know that he looks like Pat Sajak and that he hates abortion. The good news is that we don't know how he feels about sodomy. So for those of you upset about his anti-choice stance, remember: There's more than one way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Ass-fuck while you still can. Also, from now on we're calling that "buying a vowel."