What? You Want The Wolfowitz Discourse Elevated? DONE.
The last time we spoke to our favorite World Bank operative, we had to ask: "So...this Shaha Ali Riza: she's not exactly Helen of Troy, is she?" We know: we are SO shallow. It's just that if we were going to risk our careers and reputations by positioning a hot piece in a job with some REDONKULOUS salary, we'd reach for someone a little more Emily Gould-y.
Besides, we're naturally suspicious of anyone who's always shot in profile. What's on the other side of Riza's face? A crazy Mike Tyson tat? A feast of foamy chancres? Five additional mouths that silently croon "Dies Irae?" WE DO NOT FUCKING KNOW! And we don't want to know! It makes us ALL A'SCURRED!
Now, at this point, many of you are thinking: "Jeez-o-flips, Wonkette! Did it ever occur to you that Wolfowitz and Riza simply have a deep love for one another, based on mutual affection and trust, that enriches their lives and makes each of them feel like a complete person?"
No, dumbass! It sure didn't!