What's Wrong, Impeachy The Clown, Is Nancy Pelosi Making You Cry A Whole Bunch?

It would appear Donald Trump's bowels are cramping today:

READ TEHT RANSDRIPTS!!1!1 (We did. They are full of crime of the attempted election-stealing variety.) (He's been whining all day, by the way. Whining about how it was a witch hunt, whining about how he wasn't allowed representation in the House proceedings, when of course, he was offered that privilege and turned it down. Meh.)

He's right, though. There is a stigma to being impeached. Know who laughs a lot at impeached presidents? Unimpeached presidents.


At least we assume unimpeached presidents are prone to having a giggle at the expense of impeached presidents. (Hey did you guys hear the first film from Barack and Michelle Obama's production company was nominated for an Oscar this morning? Just one more thing he has that Trump never will.)


We knew before Donald Trump became a completely fuckin' embarrassing stinky gross dumb sad LOL badstupid impeached president that it would just really get under his skin and stay there for the rest of his natural life. To know that for all eternity, whenever history deigns to remember him, the first sentence will be about how he was impeached and the second will be about how he probably was an illegitimate president in the first place and the third sentence would be about how his face was disgusting ... well, that's just gotta sting.

It would have been better had Russia never elected him at all, to be honest.

Grumpelstiltskin's tweet up there about the "stigma" appears to be a response to Nancy Pelosi twisting the knife and saying on Sunday on TV that no matter what happens, Trump is "impeached for life." And it's true, it doesn't matter what happens in the Senate trial, because the House's impeachment doesn'tgo away. He is branded.

"There's nothing," Ms. Pelosi said, "the Senate can do that can ever erase that."

But hey, Pelosi is supposedly going to transmit the articles of impeachment sometime this week (perhaps), so we have a few updates on what an impeachment trial might look like in the Senate, reported by the New York Times.

Maggie Haberman reports that, on top of his team of idiot lawyers, Trump has been begging, just begging, to have three of the stupidest Republicans in the House, Jim Jordan, Doug Collins and John Ratcliffe, come over to the Senate to help defend him, but Mitch McConnell, who is not stupid, has been pissing all over Trump's joy on that one.

One thing that seems to be figuring a bit less prominently in Trump's calculations right now is that he doesn't seem quite so excited about an actual big trial in the Senate. He used to think that if he got to have the shitshow trial of his dreams -- where Adam Schiff and Hunter Biden and Nancy Pelosi would be witnesses! Because reasons! Reasons nobody whose brain is functioning correctly could possibly understand! -- then he would be TOTALLY EXONERATED and we'd all see that his call with the president of Ukraine was perfect, etc. and so forth.

Witness this whine from Sunday, because of course President Lonelyballs spent his Sunday tweeting:

Of course, as Haberman noted, Trump tweeted this just three hours before he tweeted that:

What does Trump want? He doesn't know! When does he want it? BIG MAC! CAMEL! BEEP BEEP!

Anyway, Habes reports that Trump really does still want witnesses, according to "people close to him," but he also is going to let Mitch McConnell be boss of him on this, and McConnell really doesn't want that, because if you call witnesses you have to call real witnesses like John Bolton and Mick Mulvaney, and know who knows about Trump's crimes up close and personal? Those guys.

(Reminder: Only four Republicans have to agree with Dems that there should be witnesses. If you have a Republican senator, call them.)

And that is what we know about the state of play in the impeachment trial of Donald Trump at this moment. Of course, these facts are subject to change at any time, unlike the fact that Trump has been impeached, which will still be a thing when Jesus comes back on the clouds to establish his new kingdom and rejects Trump's soul, saying, "Put it this way, I like presidents who weren't impeached, OK?"

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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