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Good Christian Republicans Know That Old Holocaust Survivor Is Pulling Our Strings!

Post-Racial America

When you're up against a movement of angry people fighting for their rights, blame THE JOOZ. That is, blame an 88-year-old Holocaust survivor who has given $18 billion to liberal philanthropic organizations. See, it's not that Americans truly hate the Supreme Court nominee backed by the Koch brothers and whichever vulture capitalist funds Judicial Crisis Network. American women aren't really traumatized by reliving their sexual assaults and watching the personification of rich, white asshole entitlement confirmed to the highest court in the land. We're not actually freaking the fuck out at the potential loss of control over our own bodies. We're just pawns of George Soros, an elderly Jewish man, who has manipulated or paid us to go hang out in the Senate hallways and recount our most painful memories to elected officials. That train is never late!


Here, let Lou and Louie hatesplain it to you.

Esn drek und shtarbn!

What kind of maniacs compare a Holocaust survivor to Nazis? The kind that know the president is hanging on their every word!

That's right, Ana Maria Archila, one of the "rude elevator screamers" who confronted Jeff Flake with stories of her own sexual assault, is an employee of the Center for Popular Democracy. And if the CPD receives funding from Open Society Foundations, which was founded by George Soros, then obviously it follows that an 88-year-old Jewish man personally paid and directed all the women "to make Senators look bad." Also, too, signs only count if you go down the basement with a bunch of broken crayons and a flattened cereal box and listen to Johnny Mathis records.

See, now that's something heartfelt. You know he really means it, and he's not just doing it because some octogenarian Holocaust survivor is paying him.

And speaking of octogenarians ...

I have heard so many people believe that. I tend to believe it. I believe it fits in his attack mode that he has and how he uses his billions and billions of resources.

And a Good Shabbat to you, Senator! Thank you for that libel about shadowy Jewish financiers using their wealth to manipulate geopolitics. Nice of you to wait until you were off camera to accuse us of kidnapping young Christian boys to bake into matzah! (Probably.)

MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP THE TSAR FAR AWAY FROM US!

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Look, it is your afternoon Nice Times at the Supreme Court! It is also your WUT and HUH Times, with Justices Thomas, Sotomayor, Kagan and Gorsuch joining in an opinion by RBG tossing a challenge to Virginia's new, fair districts. Go know!

After the 2010 Census, Republicans in the Virginia House of Delegates did what they do best -- they stole more elections, redrawing the electoral map to ensure themselves a supermajority for all eternity. Why let the voters choose their representatives when the representatives can pick their own voters as the founders intended, right? Voters in 12 of the affected districts sued the Virginia State Board of Elections in 2014 to invalidate the districts as illegal racial gerrymanders, and the House of Delegates intervened in Bethune-Hill v. Va. State Bd. of Elections to support the Board and defend its own power.

After extensive litigation including a trip up to the Supreme Court in 2017, the District Court in the Eastern District of Virginia tossed 11 of the districts as illegal racial gerrymanders and ordered the maps redrawn in 2018. At which point, the Commonwealth of Virginia noped out and quit defending the old, craptastic districts, which should have been the end of it.

BUT NO. The Virginia House of Delegates, which is still held by the GOP despite their party netting nine percent fewer votes than Democrats in the 2017 election, vowed to fight on.

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