Good Christian Republicans Know That Old Holocaust Survivor Is Pulling Our Strings!

Post-Racial America

When you're up against a movement of angry people fighting for their rights, blame THE JOOZ. That is, blame an 88-year-old Holocaust survivor who has given $18 billion to liberal philanthropic organizations. See, it's not that Americans truly hate the Supreme Court nominee backed by the Koch brothers and whichever vulture capitalist funds Judicial Crisis Network. American women aren't really traumatized by reliving their sexual assaults and watching the personification of rich, white asshole entitlement confirmed to the highest court in the land. We're not actually freaking the fuck out at the potential loss of control over our own bodies. We're just pawns of George Soros, an elderly Jewish man, who has manipulated or paid us to go hang out in the Senate hallways and recount our most painful memories to elected officials. That train is never late!

Here, let Lou and Louie hatesplain it to you.

Esn drek und shtarbn!

What kind of maniacs compare a Holocaust survivor to Nazis? The kind that know the president is hanging on their every word!

That's right, Ana Maria Archila, one of the "rude elevator screamers" who confronted Jeff Flake with stories of her own sexual assault, is an employee of the Center for Popular Democracy. And if the CPD receives funding from Open Society Foundations, which was founded by George Soros, then obviously it follows that an 88-year-old Jewish man personally paid and directed all the women "to make Senators look bad." Also, too, signs only count if you go down the basement with a bunch of broken crayons and a flattened cereal box and listen to Johnny Mathis records.

See, now that's something heartfelt. You know he really means it, and he's not just doing it because some octogenarian Holocaust survivor is paying him.

And speaking of octogenarians ...

I have heard so many people believe that. I tend to believe it. I believe it fits in his attack mode that he has and how he uses his billions and billions of resources.

And a Good Shabbat to you, Senator! Thank you for that libel about shadowy Jewish financiers using their wealth to manipulate geopolitics. Nice of you to wait until you were off camera to accuse us of kidnapping young Christian boys to bake into matzah! (Probably.)


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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