Where In DC To Watch Formerly-Nearly-Aborted Fetus Tim Tebow


In just three days, the Colts will take on the Saints in the Super Bowl, America's best (only?) cultural product, even though it really should be a conquest between the Chargers and the Saints so that your Wonkabout could have won her pool and become a millionaire... But regardless, get excited for some homoerotic fun and teevee commercials that will reminds us to never, ever have an abortion: because all of God's children grow up to be rich football stars who will never understand what it's really like to risk death during childbirth, or to rear a child as a working-class single mother. 

Where to catch the Big Game:

  • Acadiana: The party starts at 5PM at this New-Orleans style restaurant where they swear they'll welcome everyone, but you probably shouldn't go unless you're rooting for the Saints. $29 gets you unlimited access to meat pies, oysters, peel & eat shrimp, Cajun wings, and more.
  • CommonWealth: Each time your team scores a touchdown -- pending that you've purchased an entree and are of the legal drinking age -- Commonwealth will supply you with a free 10-oz serving of CW Brown Ale. Let's all hope for a high-scoring game.
  • Local 16: Here you can watch the Big Game on one of their four big screen teevees! What fun! Their specials include $3 Miller Lites, $4 Jamesons, $5 Absolut and free food and jello shots. Party starts at 4PM. 
  • Bar Dupont: Watch the Super Bowl by the fire while eating sausages, ribs, nachos and wings and drinking Colt and Saints themed specialty beverages. The festivities start at 5PM.
  • Porters: Leave it to the dive-tastic Porters to produce 'The Ultimate Sunday Funday' for the Super Bowl. $25 gets you a full appetizer buffet, a build-it-yourself nacho bar (which actually sounds awesome), and all the Miller Lite and rail drinks you can drink, that is, until you can't remember who you are rooting for and you suddenly become a liability.
  • 51st State Tavern or Mc Faddens: Warning: You may have to fraternize with GW kids if you end up watching the game at either of these locations.  But the $16 buckets of Bud, Bud Lights, or Brooklyn Pennate Ale and $5 burgers at 51st and the $3 Miller Lites and Coors Lights, $10 pitchers, $5 wing baskets and half-price burgers at McFadden's make both an appealing choice nonetheless.
  • Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse: It may not be a bar, and it may not boast tons on big screens, but there's something very cool about watching the game on a movie screen.
  • Public Bar: Your likelihood of finding an actual seat at this bar is slim to none, but there are teevees everywhere so you should have no problem catching the game despite the crowds (phew!). They're offering $3 Miller Lites, $2 PBRs, half-price hot dogs, and all the chips and salsa you could ever want.
  • Pour House: There's nothing like watching a football games with closeted homosexuals: Pour House is offering a $20 all-you-can-drink Bud Light, Miller Lite, and Yuengling and all-you-can-eat hot dogs and hamburgers for just $15.

Kick-off is at 6:30PM. Go Chargers!!?


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