While We Were Sleeping: James Carville Thinks You're Stupid

Dan is our hero. Morning show perkiness is no match for his dry wit and HTML editing program! Today, we hear that Kerry took a poll about how to respond to bin Laden. Also: Something about football.


Bush's advisors dress as duck hunters for Halloween; James Carville dresses as Skeletor. Kerry hits all three network morning shows in nine minutes. Bush is in PA, IA, WI, OH, NM, and TX; Kerry in FL, WI, MI, OH. But it's all moot because the Redskins honked against the Packers; that TD-reversing illegal motion call on Skins WR James Thrash changed the world. News peg: Two Ohio judges bar partisan poll-sitters in election halls. Hot topic: Tuesday's swing state weather from Al Roker. Unsurprising revelation: Pretty much everyone thinks we're going to court.

7:09 ABC. Good Morning America:

Sneak of Peter Jennings' interview with John Kerry. Kerry is reluctant to specify three campaign mistakes he's made but admits he's made some. He has no particular criteria for challenging or conceding the election results, but doesn't even make the usual noises about hoping the election won't go to the courts.

7:12 CBS. The Early Show:

John Kerry: Doesn't agree that even his supporters don't love him: "I see people waiting in rope lines to meet me, crying."

7:14 NBC. The Today Show:

Sneak of Tom Brokaw's interview with George W. Bush. Bush says he's work on uniting country should he win. Brokaw: Even your supporters want real substantive change. Do you offer that? Bush: "You bet! I'm not sure exactly what that means."

7:18 NBC. The Today Show.

Sneak of Brokaw's interview with Kerry. If elected, he will heal the wounds, etc. Refers to himself as a demanding CEO.

7:21 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Marc Racicot, Chairman of BC04: Kerry took polls to figure out what to say about Osama Bin Laden. Though every country in NATO is already involved in reconstructing Iraq, many of them were chickenshit and wouldn't come help in the battle. Compares Bush to Washington, Lincoln, Churchill.

7:29 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Scott Rasmussen, pollster: We're exactly where we were eight months ago. Tiny lead in most polls means "the possession arrow is in Bush's direction."

7:34 NBC. The Today Show:

Head vs. Skull: White House Communications Deputy Tucker Eskew and James Carville.

Carville: "People who think the country's going in the right direction are the dumbest people in America."

Eskew: Kerry took a poll to figure out what he thinks about Osama Bin Laden

Carville: RNC feels "the noose of history tightening around their necks"

Carville jams in 40% more words than Eskew; Eskew looks 40% less crazy than Carville.

7:43 MSNBC. Imus in the Morning:

John McCain: "Let's pray this thing is over Tuesday night, but if you have 10,000 lawyers, they're gonna find something to do." Imus: "You'll be happy in your heart, secretly, when Bush loses." McCain chuckles, chides Imus for making him face those questions all day.

7:48 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Russell Simmons, impresario: Blah blah young people blah blah blah Kerry blah.

7:54 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Head vs. Head: Mike Gallagher, conservative radio host and Bob Beckel, Dem strategist.

Gallagher: Because Congress will be majority Republican, Kerry won't get anything done anyways; why not vote for Bush instead?

Beckel: There is a difference between the war on terror and the war in Iraq.

Gallagher: Kerry took a poll about the Osama Bin Laden tape!

8:08 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Congressman Harold Ford Jr. (D-TN): Polls that assume 105 million will vote might be overwhelmed when 125 million vote. Ford's the only Dem with a decent response to constant hammering on the Osama poll: "Look, if we're gonna play that, President Bush heard about the Osama Bin Laden tape at noon and didn't respond until late afternoon. I'm sure he spent that time huddling with advisors to discuss his reaction as well."

8:24 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS): Osama tape didn't effect polls because "the Kerry campaign has been effective in saying we should've captured him." Says military effort has been excellent; claims if Kerry had been in charge during Al-Qaqaa, the military would've performed exactly the same way. Foolishly claims Kansas Jayhawks will win NCAA basketball championship, when of course it will be the North Carolina Tar Heels who do so.

8:33 NBC. Today:

Seth Meyers and Will Forte, SNL candidate impressionists. Forte: "Even if Bush loses I still have a job, because I do Edwards too." Meyers: How do you impersonate Kerry? "By reading a word-a-day calendar."

8:36 FNC. Fox & Friends:

Dick Morris, ex-FOB: "It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very close." Says many will vote Democrat for Senate because they think Bush will win the Presidency. "Bin Laden wanted to send a bomb for the election, but he couldn't, so he sent a tape. That's a testament to our homeland security. There are people in Spain who wish he'd sent a tape."

8:46 FNC. Fox & Friends:

John Fund, author of "Stealing Elections": Absentee ballots are ridiculously easy to falsify. Election monitors will intimidate local volunteers: "73-year-old grandmothers going up against 40-year-old New York trial lawyers." Our election system sucks so bad that 8 of the 19 9/11 hijackers were registered to vote. The F&F crew takes the high road and doesn't claim the hijackers would've been heavily for Kerry.

OVERALL

Hey, did you hear that John Kerry took a poll to figure out what he thinks about Osama Bin Laden? Republicans take the morning. Message of the day: The Green Bay Packers win the presidency, 28-14, but Joe Gibbs has filed lawsuits in fourteen states challenging the game.

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