White House, Like Nation, Not Listening to Arlen Specter
Yesterday Arlen Specter told everyone that he wouldn't comment on Alberto Gonzales until Tuesday afternoon, when the White House would send him a very special letter explaining that Gonzo didn't lie about anything. Specter gave the White House until noon to deliver this letter, which would be full of fun surprises and he'd release it to the media for all of us to enjoy. It's a little after three now, and the funny thing is, there's no letter!
According to Leahy's office, the letter hasn't arrived yet. No one knows yet if this is because the administration is refusing to comply or because they're just really backed up right now and they'll get to it later. Probably the first one, though.
Specter hasn't said what he's going to do about this yet, but if past performance is any indication, he'll kinda bitch about it and then he'll roll right over.
We've taken the liberty of writing our own letter, so Arlen doesn't feel so bad about being ignored.
From: The White House
To: Arlen Specter, Pat Leahy, Senate Judiciary Committee
Re: Alberto Gonzales
Dear Senator Specter,
How are you? We are fine. Hope you are having a great Tuesday!
So we heard that you're mad at Fredo. That sucks! Thanks for holding off on the impeachment thing until you heard from us though! You're such a bro, Arlen!
Anyway, let's clear some of this up.
In February of 2006, Al told you guys that there'd been no "serious disagreement" about the warrantless wiretapping thing. Then he later explained that there was a little bit of disagreement about a different, super-classified, top secret, undisclosed other intelligence committee.
And yeah, we'll admit that it looked kinda bad when Robert Mueller said that the disagreement was actually about the NSA wiretapping thing. But here's the thing: When Gonzales was testifying last year, he had his fingers crossed the whole time. Also, it was opposite day. There's an executive order about. No, seriously, look it up.
Also, Gonzales is from the Bizarro planet. Haven't you noticed? He says "hello" when he leaves and smiles when he's sad -- it's a riot! But this means that he gets mixed up when he testifies about stuff and sometimes he swears to not tell the truth. So go ahead and prosecute him for perjury -- if you're anti-Bizarro racists.
Hope that settles the whole thing! See ya round, Arlen!