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Post-Racial America

Breaking: Ronald Reagan Just As Racist As We Always Knew He Was

You'd better sit down for this.

Ronald Reagan was a lousy racist -- by which we mean he was infested with racism not that he was bad at being racist. The War on Drugs and the vanishing black middle class are the ultimate LinkedIn testimonials to Reagan's enduring work in the field of racism. Now that Putin's president is in the White House, white folks of all political persuasions like to share videos of Reagan not physically urinating on minorities and immigrants. This is supposedly evidence of how far removed the white nationalist in chief is from Our Fair Reagan. But the street where Ronnie lived was just as racist as Donald Trump's. Black people already knew this, but now we have more evidence of Reagan's racism than just devastated black communities. We have it on tape, which is not always enough for white people, but let's give it a shot anyway.

Back in October 1971, the United Nations voted to recognize the People's Republic of China and expel Taiwan. This annoyed Reagan, then governor of California, so he phoned the White House to complain. Richard Nixon was the current president and few private conversations with him were ever positive or actually private. The creep recorded everything. Reagan shared with Nixon his anger over the African delegates siding against the US. The great communicator sounded like a conservative caller to Rush Limbaugh's radio show.

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2020 democratic primary

Stop It With Your Marianne Williamson Stanning, She Is Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad

I said what I said.

It's time to have a little chit chat about Marianne Williamson, aka "Chakra Khan," the mid-Atlantic accented Texas native, who once worked as a singer in some cocktail lounge in 1930s Atlantic City, or 1980s Los Angeles. Marianne Williamson is no longer merely the "Queen of the Moon People" after Tuesday night's debate, she is now queen of the post-debate Google search too. Know what else she's queen of? She is also the "Queen of people who like to fall for shit because someone said something they found super meaningful but it wasn't." This is clearly very stupid, and I don't like it. Guess who DOES like it?

This guy.

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White Nonsense

Claire McCaskill Sh*ts Bed, New York Times Guy Lies In It

Free stuff, white people, it's all a mess!

Jonathan Weisman, one of the many geniuses employed at the New York Times, made a point this morning. As Addison DeWitt might say, it was an idiotic point but a point nonetheless. While discussing last night's Democratic debate, Claire McCaskill -- former senator and current progressive parade rain-on-er -- declared that folks in the Midwest don't like "free stuff." Waleed Shahid pointed out on Twitter that Medicare and Social Security are both technically "free stuff" and both very popular in the Midwest. Reps. Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, vocal advocates for more "free stuff," also represent districts in the Midwest. Midwest residents elected them and everything. That's when Weisman whipped open his rhetorical trench coat and publicly exposed his racism.

Screenshots live foreverTwitter

Detroit is in Michigan and Minneapolis is in Minnesota. These are both Midwest states. Wikipedia says so. Weisman is somehow a deputy editor at the paper of Justin Bieber records and he can't find his way around a common gas station map. He also seems to think Austin is not in Texas (it's the goddamn capital). Rep. Lloyd Doggett, who has served in Texas government since Ted Cruz was 3, apparently isn't from there either. Weisman also dares to put the name of Rep. John Lewis in his mouth. He's not really from the Deep South, despite all the Jim Crow-era scars that are the truest proof of residency. We never thought we'd have to say this, but Atlanta is the Deep South. It's so Southern our boy William Tecumseh Sherman turned the city into a fire pit.

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Post-Racial America

Mark Meadows Is A Donald Trump-Shaped POS

Meadows screws over his 'good friend' Elijah Cummings, what else is new?

Mark Meadows finally stood up for his Congressional BFF Elijah Cummings after Donald Trump's relentless and vile attacks. It took only three short days. Christ rose from the dead and stopped for an overly complicated coffee drink in the same amount of time. You can't rush perfection, though, and yesterday Meadows delivered a perfectly shameless statement.

This is not an expression of support for a supposed friend. It's a not-so-veiled sleazy request for Cummings to lay off the criminal president so maybe -- no promises -- Trump will stop flinging racist shit at the congressman and his district like some racist monkey with access to Twitter. We don't need Mark Meadows to confirm for us that Elijah Cummings isn't a racist. We know he's not because he's a 68-year-old black man who's gone his entire life without ever once punching a white person in the face. It also means little for Meadows to "vouch" for Cummings when in the same fetid breath he claims President Nazi Lover isn't racist. Meadows also laughingly suggests that Trump and Cummings both "love America." Maybe Meadows's command of geography is poor, so we'll remind him that Baltimore is in America. Trump called the city "a disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess." That was Saturday. If he loves America, he should leave the travel writing to Rick Steves.

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White House

Trump Suspects Obama Colluded With Russia To Wreck White House AC In Exchange For Book Deal

Petty racist president is petty and racist.

Donald Trump loves to get his racist on with politicians of color. He recently raised lynch mobs against the Squad and went full Untermenschen this weekend on Rep. Elijah Cummings and his Baltimore district. Yet Trump has managed to remain loyal to his true hate, Barack Obama.

Friday, Trump was whining to reporters in the Oval Office about how mean old Democrats won't leave him alone to wreck the country. He suggested they "look into Obama the way they've looked at" him. Specifically, someone with a lot of time on their hands should investigate "The Mystery of Obama's Book Deal." This is affirmative action at its worst. Trump earned his special counsel investigation through hard work and treason. Does Obama really deserve one just for writing a book?

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Media/Entertainment

David Brooks: White Democrats Be Like ...

Yep, it's another David Brooks column.

David Brooks doesn't know much, but you'd think he'd have a solid grasp on educated white people. He's (very) white and owns framed certificates that imply he's educated. However, he's not an educated white Democrat and freely admits he doesn't get their alternative lifestyle.

People are always changing their minds, day to day.

Yes, you TOO can have your very own column for the New York Times where you can share trite observations like this one.

But over the past 20-odd years one group has shifted to an astounding degree: highly educated white Democrats. I'm not sure I understand why this group has undergone such a transformation, but it has, and the effects are reshaping our politics.

Brooks doesn't understand the issue but he's going to tell us all about it anyway. This is the warning label that should accompany all his columns. Brooks claims educated Democrats, whom he conflates with educated white Democrats, have gotten steadily more commie over the past 25 years. (Actual leftists disagree, by the way, and argue just the opposite.) He refers to a column by yet another educated white guy, Thomas B. Edsall, that suggests there are now three Democratic Parties. We have three whole parties and still can't convince any members of them to run for Senate?

The most moderate faction is the most nonwhite and focuses on pocketbook issues like jobs and taxes. The most left-wing segment is the most populated by whites. It focuses on issues like abortion, global warming, immigration and race and gender equity.

We count two parties there, but whatever, three is funnier. As a liberal minority, we hate to disagree with two white guys, but we're fairly certain nonwhites care about racial equality. We're not just in it for the Soros money.

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White Nonsense

Chris Wallace Sh*ts All Over Stephen Miller, So That's 'Sad'

It's the Sunday Show Rundown!

El Presidente Trumpito's syphilis-addled brain tweets from last week, when he told four congresswomen of color ("The Squad," Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Ayanna Pressley) to "go back where you came from," sent Republicans on a weeklong Circe De SuRacists acrobatics to excuse it.

We went from Kellyanne Conway's impromptu Ancestry.com with journalists to racists at a Trump rally chanting "Send Her Back" which Trump basked in before trying to gaslight people into believing he opposed to it only to later follow it with "sorry not sorry" while doubling down. Normally, any sane person would let this die down so the media/news cycle could move on. But norms don't exist, President Fucksquib is not a sane person, and time is a flat circle we are doomed to repeat.

Living these 2 1/2 years really ages you...

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So early Sunday morning, while probably fast food constipated, Donnie decided to tweet:

So who better to speak about racism than Trump's own Wormtongue, Stephen Miller, on "Fox News Sunday" with Chris Wallace.

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Post-Racial America

Trump Retweets Notorious British Racist Katie Hopkins In Order To Prove He Isn't Racist

She's a real gem!

Early this morning, Donald Trump got up and had an IDEA. "I know," he said to himself, "I will spend my morning retweeting Katie Hopikins, a British woman known far and wide as the kind of bigot who regularly calls black people 'jigaboos' and who refers to immigrants as 'feral humans.' Surely, her proclamation that telling several non-white congresswomen to go back to where they came from is not racist will impress everyone! If anyone ought to be the arbiter of what is and is not racist, it should be this one lady who once said that she loved racial profiling and didn't mind if people called her a racist because of that."

And that is just what he did.

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Culture

Joe Biden To Humiliate Rival Trump With Feats Of Old Man Strength

There's nothing wrong with that.

Joe Biden, for a change, is itching to fight. Last time, Old Smokin' Joe jumped out of his Trans-Am and tried to take old man Trump behind the gym to teach him a lesson or two about grabbing ladies by the pussy. We enjoyed the hell out of that shit.

"The press always ask me, 'Don't I wish I were debating him?' No, I wish we were in high school -- I could take him behind the gym. That's what I wish," Biden said then at a campaign rally in Pennsylvania for Hillary Clinton.

His face! HAHAHAHA!

Trump was so fucking upset by the idea of catching Joe's hands, he decided he needed to play respectability politics and signal to Joe that he wasn't being very "presidential." But he didn't actually say that shit at the time, nah, he waited almost two years to make a little punk ass comeback to a blunt call out from the Scranton Scrapper. Is it any wonder Uncle Joe drinks his Mickey's silently while aiming his Eagle Eye at Old Man Trump? Is it odd he does it while silently hoping Trump "gives him a reason"? No. It's not.

Let's take a look at that killer comeback from King Trump.

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Post-Racial America

Are AOC And The Gals The 'Four Horsewomen Of The Apocalypse'? Wonkette Investigates!

Women with vocal chords are scary.

There is more diversity in how Republicans choose to defend their racist president than there's actual diversity in their caucus. Some have argued that calling Donald Trump a racist is the true insult because it hurts his racist feelings. Others, such as venomous snake creature Liz Cheney, go the "you're rubber and we're glue" route and claim the targets of Trump's racism are the real racists. Plot twist! Then there's Louisiana Senator Jack Kennedy, who went on Tucker Carlson last night and started ranting about the End Times.

KENNEDY: The simple fact of the matter is, the four congresswomen think that America was wicked in its origins. They think that America and its people are even more wicked now, that we are all racist and misogynistic and evil. They're entitled to their opinion. They're Americans.

OK, Kennedy straight-up lies from the word "go" here but he at least concedes that House Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna Pressley, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib are actual Americans. For a Republican, that almost passes for statesmanship.

KENNEDY: But I'm entitled to my opinion.

Of course, you are, Mr. White Man. It's in the Constitution. You're set. Please proceed.

KENNEDY: I just think they're left-wing cranks, and they're the reason there are directions on a shampoo bottle. I think we should ignore them.

We don't recommend ignoring directions on a shampoo bottle. If you do, you're probably shampooing incorrectly. But does Kennedy think "the Squad" pulled some Naderite mojo with the FDA and forced shampoo companies to put instructions on their products? We're reasonably certain shampoo and directions for its use predate the four congresswomen. Kennedy is a Southerner so this was probably his folksy way of saying they're just a bunch of dumb girls.

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Media/Entertainment

Karen Tumulty Wants Obama To Stop Goofing Off, Save Us From Trump RIGHT NOW

People keep forgetting Obama's not the president anymore.

When an op-ed begins with "an open letter to Barack Obama," you know you're getting screwed. Karen Tumulty at the Washington Post believes these dark times demand a leader who can "lift us up again." Instead of visiting the website for one of the two dozen Democrats running for president, Tumulty wants to draft Obama, who we feel it necessary to remind you is no longer president of anything.

TUMULTY: Mr. President, it is time. You must speak. Your country needs you.

Seriously, Obama is not the president anymore. He prepared for this eventuality by straight-up begging you fools to vote for Hillary Clinton. He made no secret about how awful he thought Donald Trump would be as president. Why should he leave a comfortable, well-earned retirement because a majority of white people refused to listen? George W. Bush tanked the economy and got to spend his post-presidency finger painting while the poor saps whose retirement savings went up in smoke had to start working at Wal-Mart. [Why Stephen is using this as a point is beyond me: EVEN REPUBLICANS DIDN'T WANT W BACK, FOR THE REASON HE JUST SAID. Fucking Stephen! -- Ed.]

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Post-Racial America

What This Dems In Disarray Story Needs Is Some Garbage Polling. Take It Away, Axios!

Very journalism! Much great!

Hey, Democrats, knock that shit off! There is a place for members of Congress to hash out their differences, and it's called a closed-door caucus meeting. Donald Trump is locking babies in cages, and we have an election to win in fifteen months. So if we could stop hacking big chunks out of each other in public, that would be GREAAAAAAT!

We do not need Speaker Pelosi running to Maureen Dowd to air her thoughts on "The Squad" of headline-grabbing freshman congresswomen who have become the face of our party's progressive wing. We do not need to open Twitter and see that Rep. Ocasio-Cortez's chief of staff thinks other members of the caucus are racist. We do not need Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley wrapping up the latest "Dems in Disarray!!!!" story in a bow for the national press by giving a quote that's going to be yanked out of context to make it sound like she thinks her fellow African American representatives aren't black enough. And we sure as hell don't need to see blind items on Axios by "top Democrats" attacking AOC and Rep. Ilhan Omar by selectively leaking data points from a longer poll to somehow "prove" they're a drag on the party nationwide.

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Post-Racial America

Candace Owens Has Seen Real Racism And It's Ayanna Pressley & Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

The sister is dumb.

Candace Owens is the most embarrassing black woman alive. She's also desperate for attention. She saw an opportunity to scare up some this week when Rep. Ayanna Pressley snatched the wig off Kellyanne Conway and made her eat it.

Twitter

Nothing sums up whatever it is Conway's paid to do better than "distraction." It's her entire job description. She distracts from serious inquiries about the Trump administration's latest foul deed with circuitious doublespeak and outright lies. Accusing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of having a "cat fight" with new women representatives is deliberating trading on sexist tropes to distract people from Trump's concentration camps. Pressley wasn't here for it. We love Pressley, but we actually like black people who are fierce and clever. Owens is neither. She called Pressley's tweet "ghetto, stupid and racist." When she reflexively dismisses black vernacular as "street talk," she sounds a lot like Laura Ingraham, who called LeBron James "barely intelligible." This is fitting because Owens likely fashions herself as a younger, dumber Ingraham.

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Post-Racial America

Mitch McConnell Wants To Know When Obama Will Apologize For Owning Slaves

There is no bottom for this guy.

It's hardly a shocking twist, but it turns out Mitch McConnell's ancestors owned slaves. The Senate majority leader was asked at a press conference if this sobering fact might cause him to reconsider his opposition to reparations. His response was perverse yet predictable.

MCCONNELL: I find myself once again in the same position as President [Barack] Obama. We both oppose reparations and we both are the descendants of slave owners.

McConnell has previously used Obama as his "Get Out Of Reparations Free" card. He's claimed that because "we" -- not him, personally, but lots of other people -- elected Obama, we're all good on slavery and segregation. The receipt for compensation for centuries of bondage and racial discrimination is a 2008 "Hope" poster, apparently.

James McConnell and Richard Daley, the turtle's great-great-grandfathers, "owned" at least 14 slaves -- 12 of whom were women (we don't want to get into that). It is appalling but not surprising that McConnell would compare himself to Obama, whose father was Kenyan and mother was white. Racists like to use the former president's unique background as a basis to stiff the descendants of slaves. However, most living black people have slave-owning DNA because slave owners raped a lot of black people. It wasn't that uncommon for them to create more "property" through rape.

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Cops Behaving Badly

Trump Idiots Know Who To Blame For Trump's Baby Jails: DEMOCRATS!

We watch the Sunday shows so you don't have to!

After Mother Nature pissed all over Trump's wannabe-dictator attempted hijacking of the Fourth of July, the Sunday shows got back to discussing the Trump-created humanitarian crisis at the southern border. Not the influx of asylum seekers fleeing from horrible conditions in Central America (made worse by Trump cutting off aid to them), but the way our country has decided to cage them in concentration camps internment camps ... um ..."happy fun time summer camps"? After a visit by a congressional delegation and the Trump Administration's own DHS Office of Inspector General (OIG) report provided video/photographic/written evidence of the deplorable conditions occurring in our name, it was time for Trump officials to deal with the real culprits: Democrats!

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White Nonsense

Bret Stephens Did A Racism, Which Means Soledad O'Brien Is The Real Racism

Stephens even has doctor's note confirming lack of racist bones.

We're trying not to give attention and lucrative clicks to people who are what Jay Smooth called "wrong on purpose." Bret Stephens wrote a racist column for the New York Times this weekend that made racist points in all seven of the lively racist arts. Here's a lowlight:

[The Democratic Party] makes too many Americans feel like strangers in their own country. [The Democratic Party] puts more of its faith, and invests most of its efforts, in them instead of us.

They speak Spanish. We don't. They are not U.S. citizens or legal residents. We are. They broke the rules to get into this country. We didn't. They pay few or no taxes. We already pay most of those taxes. They willingly got themselves into debt. We're asked to write it off. They don't pay the premiums for private health insurance. We're supposed to give up ours in exchange for some V.A.-type nightmare. They didn't start enterprises that create employment and drive innovation. We're expected to join the candidates in demonizing the job-creators, breaking up their businesses and taxing them to the hilt.

We have better things to do than repudiate Stephens's "Notes From the Racist Underground." There are only a few facts present in the entire column, and a concerned white person called the cops on them. Soledad O'Brien provided our favorite response.

The best thing ever written by anyone everTwitter

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