Lindsey Graham's Pandemic Sunday Show Idiocy

It's your Sunday Rundown!

Greetings, Wonkers, time for your rundown of all the terrible things that happened on the Sunday shows.

We begin with Fox News's "Sunday Morning Futures with Maria Bartiromo," which had South Carolina senator and brett Kavanaugh defender (never forget) Lindsey Graham on to talk about the stimulus passed by Congress. But it was when Bartiromo brought up Nancy Pelosi that Graham got the vapors:

Sen. Graham pins Pelosi's attack on Trump as 'shameful, disgusting'

BARTIROMO: Well take us behind the curtain to tell us how this all shook out, Senator, because Nancy Pelosi said she did jujitsu on this relief bill...

GRAHAM: Right.

BARTIROMO: ... to get it where it needs to be.


BARTIROMO: And this morning, this weekend, she is saying that the president is fiddling around while people are dying, Senator.

GRAHAM: No, what she said, she's blaming the president of the United States for people dying because of the way he's led the country. That's the most shameful, disgusting statement by any politician in modern history. Let me tell you, we have seen the best of America from our citizens helping each other, delivering groceries, having special shopping hours for senior citizens. She's the first politician to blame another politician for people dying. This is the same speaker of the House who held up the bill in the Senate for days because she wanted same-day voting, she wanted carbon neutrality for the airlines, she wanted $75 million for the endowment for the humanities, and $25 million for the Kennedy Center. She is the one that held up the package in the Senate for days to get the Green New Deal put in a recovery package. So it's the most shameful, disgusting thing I have heard yet. And it needs to stop.

Mind you that Lindsey Graham has been in Congress through Terri Schiavo, Brett Kavanaugh and Dennis Hastert. But the kicker of hypocritical bullshit is Graham's "disgust" at blaming a politician for people dying like THIS motherfucker never heard of Benghazi and how Republicans blamed Hillary Clinton ("another politician") for "people dying" there.

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White Nonsense

Matt Gaetz Pissed That COVID-19 Bill Gives $13 Million In Obama Phones To Black People University

Keep blowing that dog whistle, congressman.

Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida was miffed that Howard University, a known university for black people, got some scratch in the Senate's coronavirus recovery bill. He lamented this pork parade on Twitter Wednesday.


Gaetz concedes that “education is important," but Howard isn't worthy of coronavirus relief — certainly not $13 million big ones! Why, that money could house the houseless and feed the foodless. Howard is a historically black college, and Gaetz was probably worried that real American taxpayer money would be wasted on advanced Black Panther studies. Sen. Kamala Harris graduated from Howard in 1986, when we were free to gather in crowds. She pointed out that the "bill provides $30 billion to protect students and help schools, colleges and universities combat the coronavirus." She then dropped some of that math they teach us at black colleges when we're not learning how to properly season chicken.

HARRIS: This is $13 million. $13 million = .04% of $30 billion. Why do you take issue with money going to Howard, Congressman?

Just like that, Harris has put Congressman Florida Man on trial. Gaetz should've just broken down on the stand and confessed or tried to take a plea, but instead, he doubled down and insisted Howard received a “carve out" that other institutions didn't. This is when it got embarrassing and people had to explain to a US House representative that Howard has a hospital that's a 300-bed, level 1 trauma center, which is now a COVID-19 treatment facility in Washington DC, just a couple miles from where Gaetz allegedly works.

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Sorry, Cruise Lines, Not A Single Penny In Bailout Money

Go hit up your buddies in Panama.

Donald Trump is a big fan of the cruise ship industry. Last week, he said it was a “prime candidate" for a bailout, along with actual useful businesses such as airlines and hotels. We're not monsters here, though. If we let Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and Norwegian Cruise Lines ... er sink that would negatively impact countless Americans.

Oh, I guess we can count them, and it's 20,600 people. According to Dean Baker, senior economist at the Center for Economic and Policy Research, that is 0.013 percent of total employment in the US. Put in perspective, that's half the people reading Wonkette on any given day. I confess that even though I wouldn't take a cruise at gunpoint, I have a soft spot for the industry because of the 1980s Carnival ads featuring Kathie Lee Gifford, with whom I was briefly in love for reasons I can't explain.

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Marco Rubio: Does It Matter What Racist Names We Use For The Coronavirus Right Now?

Let’s give desperate people scapegoats. What’s the worst that can happen?

Marco Rubio is useless in the best of circumstances, so the coronavirus crisis has cast an intense spotlight on the Florida senator's fecklessness. Friday, Rubio tweeted a video filmed in what looked like his grandmother's dining room. He was dressed casually in a baseball cap and a “Property of Dolphins" T-shirt that indicated he's a fan of the football team based in Miami. That's a good look during a crisis. All that was missing was a few days' beard growth.

He expressed his concerns about the working people who are losing their jobs because states are shutting down businesses in an effort to slow the coronavirus's spread. He was almost compelling.

RUBIO: People are literally getting laid off by the second. I know an entire family of six — the husband, the wife, their two adult kids and their spouses. Everybody got laid off in the last 72 hours. Can you imagine how traumatic that is? Maybe unfortunately you can because you got laid off or your kids got laid off. I'm talking about your local bakery. I'm talking about the dry cleaner you've used for 30 years. I'm talking about mechanics that fix your car. These people are closing their doors. No one knows if they're ever gonna reopen. Their workers don't know if they're ever gonna have another job. That should be our number one focus right now. How can we get cash quickly to those companies so they can at least pay their workers and be able to reopen when the time comes for that.
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Democrats, *Now Is Not The Time For Your Bipartisan Shit*

Hit them hard and mean every day until November.

Some of you are probably worried about an ABC/Ipsos poll stating that 55 percent of Americans approve of how Donald Trump is managing the coronavirus pandemic. Who are these imbeciles, you might wonder? Pandora managed boxes better than Trump managed the coronavirus response. If it's any consolation, this poll looks like an outlier ... for now.

Americans during a crisis like to feel reassured. Trump goes on TV every day and mostly lies his ass off. He implies that miracle "Star Trek" cures are just around the corner. Yes, he's tanked the stock market during previous addresses to the nation, but it's not a given that Americans are holding him accountable for the "HOLY SHIT" news. This is why it's important that Democrats never let up on hammering him about his fatal incompetence. The stirring speeches Adam Schiff gave during the Senate impeachment trial should occur daily now.

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Paul Gosar, Stuck At Home In Quarantine, Dreams Of Dying In A Spielberg Movie

He couldn't go a whole day without being terrible, could he?

Rep. Paul Gosar is in self-quarantine after sustained contact with someone who'd contracted the coronavirus. All this manly, free-market hand shaking took place at the Conservative Political Action Conference and Mitt Romney-free zone. The Arizona congressman and the staff members who also couldn't stop touching the infected CPACer are symptom free — that's a good thing! — and are considered low risks for infection. We praised Gosar's good judgment and mature leadership in the face of crisis early Monday, but it only took a few hours before Gosar said something good and stupid.

Gosar was sitting around the house Monday, probably bored off his ass because he didn't ask his wife if there was anything he could do to help out (that's usually the case whenever I'm bored). He started to reflect on the great pageant of life, like Oscar Wilde in Reading Gaol, even though he'd only been in quarantine for about eight minutes. He posted his thoughts on Twitter.

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Top 6 Times Joe Scarborough 'Liked' Hillary Clinton

With friends like these.

Hulu just released a documentary about Hillary Clinton, whom you might remember from such events as the 2016 presidential election. Hillary is a compelling look at the former first lady and groundbreaking presidential candidate, which highlights how much of a badass lady in charge we always knew she was, and by "we" I mean those of us who've voted for her or at the very least never accused her of murder.

Hillary has inspired a wave of new fans for Clinton, including Joe Scarborough, the host of MSNBC's "Morning Joe."

The former Republican congressman might seem an unlikely passenger on the Hillary bandwagon, but don't let common sense influence your opinion. Scarborough has always been in love with Eastasia Clinton. Here are some of the most memorable examples of Scarborough's deep affection and abiding respect for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

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State/Local Politics

Black Virginia Senators Explain To GOP Assholes That Confederate Statues Actually Hurt

We shall overcome, but also: we are overcome.

Virginia's new Democratic majority in the General Assembly has already passed some kickass legislation. In just the past couple months, the newly Democratically controlled legislature has passed an anti-LGBTQ discrimination bill. It's passed the Equal Rights Amendment. It torched Lee-Jackson Day and replaced it with a state holiday for Election Day. But not everything's been rosy, particularly when it comes to gun safety, and now there's some tedious pushback about Confederate memorials.

You'd think after Charlottesville, where Nazis and other white supremacists let their hate flags fly, everyone would agree to junk the memorials to slavery celebrating traitors. However, we live in a world where Republicans exist.

One of those Republicans, freshman lawmaker Sen. Jennifer Kiggans, claimed it was "divisive and not healing" to even consider removing Confederate memorials. Kiggans is the sort of Republican who conflates history with celebration. It's not as though anyone's going to forget 9/11 unless there are statues of Osama bin Laden in Central Park. Valorizing sworn enemies of the United States is a weird thing to do unless you really dislike black people.

Kiggans, who by the way is hella white, argued that Civil War memorials were "in most cases … dedicated to deceased veterans who fought for their homeland and died or were wounded alongside their hometown friends." This is bullshit. These people were all traitors. They willingly attacked and killed American soldiers. No amount of revisionist, "Lost Cause" nonsense can change that fact.

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Vote suppression

Black Voters Resist When Texas Goes Full Jim Crow On Super Tuesday

Standing in line seven hours to vote in America is a national disgrace.

The Republican effort to keep non-Republicans from voting in Texas was on shameful display on Super Tuesday, which for many black and brown voters stretched into Not-So-Super Wednesday. The lines spilled outside elementary schools and public libraries, wrapping around sidewalks. You'd think they were standing in line for stale bread during the last days of the Soviet Union. Carla Reed and Hervis Rogers were the last two voters at Texas Southern University. There just plumb weren't enough voting machines available at a place intended for people to vote. They waited in line for seven hours, until well after 1 a.m., to receive their "I Voted" stickers. They are not white.

It should go without saying that wait times like these are repulsive and unacceptable. They're also all part of the plan. Texas closed down 750 polls since 2012, around the time Chief Justice John Roberts declared racism deader than disco (he was wrong on both counts). The closures specifically target voting blocs that turn out overwhelmingly for Democrats. Republicans don't care if minorities age to death while waiting to vote, but these same constitutional champions will "sneer most bitterly" if they think universal health care would mean they'd have to wait an extra 10 minutes to see a dentist.

Texas was one of six states in 2016 where the winning margin was between five and 10 percent. The others were Georgia, Virginia, Ohio, New Mexico, and Iowa. Texas, like love, is a battlefield that Democrats could seize, blocking Republicans from the White House for the foreseeable future. Republicans know enough to be afraid. It's why they won't stop their dirty tricks.

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Part-Time Truck Driver Ted Cruz Defends Hardworkin' Americans From Latte-Sippin' Liberals

Now, we remember why it was so much fun watching Cruz lose to Donald Trump.

The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is this week, and Republicans gathered to confront the looming threats to America, which this year is everyone they hate, same as last year and the year before that. This ranges from Mitt Romney to actual liberals who've done more than just personally offend Donald Trump.

Thursday, Ted Cruz and his rubbish beard described the scourge of liberalism in terms you might've heard at an Occupy Wall Street rally. He went full class warfare on Democrats, whom he laughably claimed are the "party of the rich." Yep, the big money left sings while the working-class slaves.

CRUZ: Today, the Democrats are the party of Hollywood celebrities, Silicon Valley, and Wall Street titans. They sip their lattes and they look down on working-class Americans.

Wow! He found us out. Every Democratic voter fits into at least one of those three categories. And we all love lattes. We're too arrogant and elitist to worry about lactose intolerance.

CRUZ: On the other hand, working men and women here, union members. Blue-collar union members used to form the heart of the Democratic Party -- FDR Democrats, who became Reagan Democrats and today they're Trump Democrats.
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fox news


Carlson wants to keep legalized pot industry separate and very much unequal.

Tucker Carlson is as down with "reefer" as any conservative white TV dinner heir who wore bow ties in his youth. The Fox News host has linked marijuana use to schizophrenia, violence, suicide, and death. He apparently thought Reefer Madness was a documentary. He's argued, with little evidence, that marijuana causes school shootings, even as a popular competing theory suggests guns are to blame.

Carlson recently flipped out on Bernie Sanders because the crazy socialist suggested in this week's debate that not only should weed pots be legalized, and people with weed pot convictions should have their records expunged, but also he wants to help racial minorities create businesses to enjoy some of the financial largesse of the newly legal industry. Reminder: we're talking selling a product that's already legal in 11 states. Sanders deserves some free market cred for promoting the economic benefits of intoxicating substances. That makes him more Team Kennedy than Team Castro.

Carlson however scared his viewers with the images of black teens selling dime bags in suburban neighborhoods. In his fevered imagination, Sanders's army of weed dealers will numb a generation of Tucker Carlsons, robbing them of a rosy future as a right-wing propagandist. They'll just loaf around on someone's ratty couch, smoking out like Brad Pitt in True Romance, and voting -- by mail, of course -- for all sorts of insidious socialist candidates and policies.

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How Racist Is GOP's Claim That Mike Bloomberg 'Bought' Lucy McBath? Pretty Damn!

You never come for Rep. McBath. You just don't.

Mike Bloomberg donated a crazy amount of money to Democratic candidates in 2018. That was very much appreciated. Unfortunately, at the Democratic debate Tuesday, Bloomberg might've accidentally on purpose implied that he owned the new Nancy Pelosi-led House.

BLOOMBERG: Let's just go on the record. They talk about 40 Democrats. Twenty one of those are people that I spent a hundred million dollars to help elect. All of the new Democrats that came in and put Nancy Pelosi in charge and gave the Congress the ability to control this president, I bough — I, I got them.

Just get Bloomberg a monocle and a top hat and he's Mr. Billionaire, the cackling lead in a political satire co-written by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. It's bad enough that Bloomberg is assuming ownership for the blue wave, but his slip of the tongue is a gift to Republicans who'll -- without any sense of irony -- shame Democrats for accepting his money.

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Culture Wars

Coronavirus Causing Right-Wing PanDUMBic Of Epidemic Proportions, GET IT? GET IT? GET IT?

You probably don't get it, it's a very subtle joke.

As the Covid-19 coronavirus outbreak continues to spread around the world, public health experts are doing all they can to research and track the disease, inform people what they can do to reduce their risk of exposure, and to keep people from unduly panicking. But undue panic is also a very profitable business model, so yeah, we're getting a great big honkin' dose of that, too! Fortunately, panic never causes people to do stupid things, as we know from all the times no one has ever shot a family member they thought was a burglar.

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Crawling Smear Of Paul Ryan Paul Ryans All Over Us Again

Ryan turns on old buddy Mitt Romney because of course he would.

Thursday, someone on the Fox News mothership dared suggest that Donald Trump was anything less than magnificent. During an appearance on "Your World with Neil Cavuto," A.B. Stoddard of RealClearPolitics compared Trump's 2016 debate performances to Mike Bloomberg's Elizabeth-Warren-assisted autopsy Wednesday night.

STODDARD: I think that Donald Trump had disastrous debate performances. Many answers were so cringeworthy. You just couldn't even believe that he was standing on the stage. And he's president.

The mad king was unpleased.

Narrator: Donald Trump did not win any of the presidential debates. He embarrassed himself and his loved ones, if he has any. Trump blamed this glitch in the Fox News Matrix on Paul Ryan. The former House speaker is on the board of Wolfram & Hart whatever evil global entity currently owns Fox News. There were articles about how the former Republican House speaker was going to influence the network from the inside to take down Trump. That was obviously all bullshit. He's now more of a Trump stooge than ever.

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2020 presidential election

Tim Scott Predicts Clone Army Of Tim Scotts Voting For Trump

This is very disturbing news.

It's no secret that black people aren't crazy about Donald Trump. This is because he's a racist and we all know he's a racist. Republicans like to counter this indisputable fact with a list of all the great things Trump has done for us. For instance, the sun is still in the sky and fried chicken is freely accessible.

Tuesday, on Fox News, Neil Cavuto asked House Majority Whip James Clyburn if he thought more black voters would support the president's re-election. The esteemed representative from South Carolina was a firm "hell, no!"

CAVUTO: [Voters] are happy with the way things are going, including African-Americans. Do you not agree with that?

CLYBURN: No, I don't. Because I go to church with African-Americans. I live with African-Americans. I'm the father of African-Americans.

This is only first-hand information. Cavuto still demanded that Clyburn comment on his great white hope.

CAVUTO: You don't think more African-Americans will vote for the president than he's previously been given credit?

CLYBURN: Absolutely not.

That sounds like "case closed" to me. However, South Carolina Republican Sen. Tim Scott dropped by Friday with some good news for Donald Trump. He doesn't just disagree with Clyburn, but my brother from a very different mother boasted that Trump's black voter support will almost double.

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Tucker Carlson Has New Target In His Crosshairs, Because He Is A Stochastic Terrorist

Judge Amy Berman Jackson, please be careful out there!

Tucker Carlson last night demanded that conservative folk hero Roger Stone receive an undeserved pardon. Stone was convicted of witness tampering and obstruction, which are still crimes even if you're white and friends with Donald Trump. Carlson insisted that the person who truly deserves punishment isn't Stone himself but the judge who presided over his trial, Amy Berman Jackson.

Carlson smeared the US district court judge as a "Democratic activist wearing robes" and argued that Jackson should be impeached. Ever since Trump's justifiable impeachment, conservatives have wanted to impeach anyone, even a ham sandwich, in retaliation. (Remember when all of a sudden the GOP talking points were that the Supreme Court is composed of "nine unelected judges IN ROBES"? That was weird. I don't know if they were trying to make them sound femme or satanic, probably both.)

CARLSON: Stone's sentence was delivered by an Obama-appointed judge called Amy Berman Jackson. You often hear people say that our justice system has been infected by politics. Amy Berman Jackson is living proof that it has been. She's an open partisan who has so flagrantly violated the bounds of constitutional law and fairness that it's shocking she's still on the bench. If there's anyone in Washington who deserves to be impeached, it's Amy Berman Jackson.

These are, of course, all lies inconsistent with Jackson's actual record. Carlson's "proof" that Jackson's a "liberal hack" is how she apparently persecuted Rick Gates and Paul Manafort "before they were even been convicted of anything." Jackson revoked Manafort's bail and issued him striped pajamas because the prosecution accused him of witness tampering, which I repeat for the legally impaired is a crime. There's zero evidence Jackson was especially harsh to Gates. True, she didn't offer him a massage or anything, but this was federal court not a resort and spa that caters to Trump's corrupt associates.

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