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Who Will Be Our Mystery Guest At Wonkette's Chicago Festival Of Wonked-Out Brains, Tonight?

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Who will be our mystery guest TONIGHT, 6 p.m., at Christina’s Place, 3759 N. Kedzie Ave., Chicago, 773-463-1768?

Will our mystery guest be Deron (seen above), the six-foot-six smiling Nice Time bartender at Thomas O'Foolaround's, who is going to move to Los Angeles and be our husband just as soon as we inform him of this fact? He is straight, and single! (For now!) (We asked!) (Also, at one point we had to apologize for sitting at his bar and objectifying him so terribly, and he smiled and said that was okay, because he was objectifying us right back. And then Miss Lisa Wines and I had to leave and change our pants.) (PREPARE TO BE MADE OUT WITH, DERON.)

Will it be John Hodgman, David Cross, and Paul F. Tompkins, in town for the Comedy Nerds Festival of Lights? Probably not! But we invited them on Twitter!

Will it be Eddie Arruza from Chicago Tonight (seen here making his Journalist Face), even though we forgot to come on his show while we were here? We bet it will, because he wrote this to us: "Oh, and I also can say that I’ve been the subject of one of your posts on October 18, 2012, Tammy Duckworth vs. Joe Walsh debate: '7:05 PM — Pretty sure the moderator just described Joe Walsh as a high school dropout.'” So that seems likely! (He left out the part where we called him a Time Nazi.)

Will it be our mom's dog, Joe Biden? No silly, he is in Oklahoma. Also, he is a dog. How would he ever drive a car?

Will it be Joe Walsh? That seems likely, considering he is a deadbeat, and the food and drink will be free.

Will it be these St. Louis Wonkers and commenters? No, dummy, they are in St. Louis. But will it be Mojopo and Knits and Maman and every other commenter and lurker in Chicago? (Yes.)

Will it be Ghost Mother Jones, traveled up from her monument at the miners cemetery in Mt. Olive, Illinois, the "final resting place of good union people"? Absofuckinglutely it will!

See the updated itinerary for the Wonk Your Brains Out Southwest Midwest World Orgy Tour here. We are probably gonna add Iowa in between Minneapolis (at Grumpy's, 6 p.m.!) and Lawrence, Kansas, because Miss Lisa Wines and I have decided we do not like driving seven-hour days, fuck that noise.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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