Donate

Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)

News

Quick, let’s brainstorm about the dumbest, most irrelevant data point with which we could attempt to analyze this presidential election!


And while you’re shouting answers at your computer machines, know that nothing you suggest could be as colossally moronic as this: “At CafePress...we have been tracking 2012 election presidential candidate support via The Meter graph.”

By tracking the race, they mean the T-shirt sales from the AOL of online print-on-demand outfits. So who is going to be our next president as foretold by shitty T-shirts? Ron Paul, of course. Unless it’s that NOBAMA fellow, who is now in a dead heat (for CafePress t-shirts sales) with Paul.

The next president either will be the current president or a 70-something backbench Congressman from rural Texas who couldn’t muster a single primary or caucus win in his two consecutive presidential campaigns. Someone go stuff that Nate Silver fellow in a sack with a rabid wolverine and then toss him off a bridge. We no longer need his elitist (gay math) “regression analysis” to understand politics.

“With an average of over 130,000 new designs uploaded every week, CafePress is often seen as a Cultural Barometer®,” writes the Park Avenue-officed PR flunky who spammed media outlets this “story” and also apparently registered “Cultural Barometer,” which CafePress is seen as, as a trademark.

What self-respecting media outlet would fill the ever-shrinking news hole with this PR-troll jibberish? The New York Daily News! Also the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Both papers are very concerned that Willard Mittworth Romney’s lagging T-shirt sales could be a harbinger of doom for the Romney campaign. How will Mittens relate to these “T-shirt Americans” he’s heard so much about from his private tailor? Oh serious journalism, how you fulfill us so.

$
Donate with CC

Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc