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Why DCites Hate Tourists, Part One

Wonkabout


Thank you, Capital Segway, for giving DCites another thing to cringe about: Segway sightseeing tours. Now that the weather is warming up, flocks of fanny-packed tourists are just rolling around town (these people in the photo above were in front of the White House) in their Segways, giving Our Fine City a bad name.

The Segway tour does have a benefit; it allows you to "cover an entire day’s worth of sightseeing in under three hours," but whatever happened to the ol' leisurely walk? Do you really need to free up that much time for the Air and Space museum? The website boasts that it's the "highest rated tour of the Washington sites in a fraction of the time." Umm, wat?

One woman, in Capitol Segway's testimonials, says it's the "most fun she's had standing up."

But no matter how "fun" the Segway seems, riding one makes you look like a lazy douchebag showoff. Even if you're a gramma and it's your first trip to DC. Or if you're an eight-year-old kid. Or if you're a pregnant mom.

Besides speedy tours, the company sells Segway PTs (they supply the DC Police) and gift certificates. In case you want to purchase one, click here.

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No pressure in November, but looks like the Supreme Court is going to do FUCK ALL about gerrymandering this term. In a unanimous decision authored by Chief Justice Roberts, the Court remanded the landmark Gill v. Whitford redistricting case on standing -- in other words, they won't be ruling on it because the plaintiffs challenging the gerrymander hadn't adequately proved that they personally had the right to challenge Wisconsin's preposterous districts.

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We have been hearing ever since late last week that Michael Cohen is probably about to be arrested and probably going to be indicted on one million charges and probably maybe might be about to try to flip and make a deal so that he doesn't end up in prison for the rest of his natural life. In fact, we have been hanging our hopes on it, because everything else sucks. Sure, we are still filled with joy over how Paul Manafort is on day four of JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER, JAIL, but then we remembered what is happening on the border and what we are saying right now is we need something happy.

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