Maverick McCain Won't Sit In Jesus' Silence Cone
We sort ofalready mentioned this, but apparently not enough, as every single email tip to Wonkette today is about the Invincible Cone of Silence and how John McCain was in his "straight talk" limo watching porn instead of humbly contemplating the Terrible Mystery of Jebus within Rick Warren's meth-massage Silence Cone. But how is this Barack Obama's fault?
Simple: A game of chance was involved, called a "coin toss." This result of this gambling was that Barack Obama, a known poker player and favorite candidate of God/Fate, won the coin toss. So he got to go first at the Saddleback Church non-debate about who loves Jesus the most. What was lonesome John McCain supposed to do, follow the rules and stay in the Silence Cone? Fuck that shit. John McCain is a billionaire maverick and the only thing he hates more than Jesus or common people is following rules.
So he just cold hung out in his limo or bus or whatever, and then he got caught, and his campaign sent an angry letter to NBC for somehow also causing McCain to get caught breaking the basic rules of Christianity.