Why Does Barack Obama Hate Thursday?
Sometimes, even superfans get angry at their favorite auteurs. For example, every time I think about those Star Wars abortionfilms with Hayden Christensen, I get PPSD (post prequel stress disorder) and have rage fits involving visions of Jar Jar eating George Lucas. Last Friday, I wasrather incensed at my own favorite director, Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary, because he did not post his latest installment of West Wing Week at the usual time of 12:00 a.m. ET. Like all good boyfriends, Arun attempted to make amends via Twitter.
Because I have forgiven him, and because he did eventually put up last week's West Wing Week, I have deigned to examine this week's West Wing Week with an unbiased eye and an open heart. This week's edition is called "Turkey Turkey and a Jammer," which sounds absolutely filthy, much like Absent Ken Layne.
Okay, first of all, why the fuck does Sasha get to go everywhere while Malia has to stay home and read Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry or whatever is on the Sidwell Friends summer reading list? As a fellow oldest daughter, I would like to protest the lack of fun vacation action on Malia's behalf. Barry and Michelle Ma Belle and Sasha went to Panama City, Florida to play mini-golf and probably stay at a La Quinta Inn so the press for once wouldn't be all bitchy about Michelle having a nice freaking vacation.
On Monday, Barack went to Milwaukee to confer with the Bronze Fonz on economic policy. He also visited Shotz Brewery, where he put a rubber glove on a beer bottle and waved bye-bye to it, adorably.
On Tuesday, Bammerz went to Seattle with Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke. Everyone was confused to see a black person, but Locke soothed them all with some wrenchingly emotional guitar riffs. They toured the Sub Pop factory, and enjoyed an impromptu performance of that "Yes I Can" video song by Mother Love Bone. Then everyone went to Pike Place Fish Market, where the ghost of Kurt Cobain threw a fish at Obama and was promptly escorted away by Starbucks secret police. They concluded the day with some espresso-flavored homecooked meth from a lovely trailer just outside Seattle city limits.
On Wednesday, Our National Hotness-in-Chief went to hang out with some totally RANDO family in their rando house in Columbus, Ohio. The family was very attractive and their house was really pretty and Obama hung out with the whole neighborhood in their backyard. And now, on to Thursday!
Wait...where the...what the...WHY IS THERE NO THURSDAY? Why does West Wing Week stop at frigging Wednesday in frigging Columbus, OH? This is bullshit, Arun! Are you too good for Thursday?! Is Thursday beneath you? Or do you and Obama hate Thursday because it is named after Thor, Norse God of Thunder, and you are both racist against Scandinavia? Is that it? Is that fucking it? We're never going to get anywhere with a nation run by Hate, Arun!
Have a great weekend, you bastard children of the damned! I'll be at your DC Arts Center at 7:30 Saturday night. $10 for interactive comedy death. Fuck you. [West Wing Week]