Why Everyone Will Lose in 2008
Mike Allen, politics editor of the Politico, has a piece today describing in entertaining detail all the drawbacks of each major 2008 candidate. To sum up:
McCain is old and crazy and a MAVERICK, Mitt Romney is a mormon and a CLOSET LIBERAL, Rudy is this close to being a gay New York ABORTIONIST, Hillary is a woman and no one actually likes her, Barry Hussein Obama is a black and inexperienced and always plotting against us, and John Edwards hired BLOGGERS.
Of course, there are other candidates running. After the jump, we present some of their political weaknesses.
* Joe Biden: Cannot stop talking, will probably accidentally make a Polack joke next month, follow it with an accidental denial of the Holocaust.
* Mike Huckabee: Former fatty, now acts unnervingly like Richard Simmons.
* Bill Richardson: Gypsy curse.
Paul Ted Tom Vilsack: Former Governor of the third dumbest state in the Union, will enslave us all.
* Sam Brownback: Got debts that no honest man can pay.
* Chuck Hagel: Video footage of his early career as an exotic dancer sure to surface eventually.
* Dennis Kucinich: Article II, section 6 of the US Constitution stipulates that the President cannot be an elf.