Wide-Stance Liveblogging of Larry Craig's Statement
Hey everybody, that's Larry Craig's mugshot from his bathroom arrest! USA Today just put it on a blog or something, and we are going to liveblog the shit out of Larry Craig's post-arrest bathroom speech. It starts ... just about right now.
(Let's do this whole thing in "mountain time," what do you think? Yes? Okay then. That means it will be in reverse-chronological format, too, because of the mountains.)
2:44 MT: How did the Idaho Statesman pull off this dastardly conspiracy involving the Minneapolis airport, undercover cops looking for sex creeps in a well-known sex-creep public bathroom, Larry Craig admitting it and pleading guilty, and Larry Craig being a known closet case who has been outed regularly since, uh, the 1980s?
2:43 MT: Apparently when you plead guilty to a crime in a court, judges tend to take it seriously.
2:43 MT: CNN's legal expert guy: "Among the strangest statements ever made by an American politician .... That he claims ... to have chosen to plead guilty by mistake ... it's hard for me to believe."
2:41 MT: He's plugging his website. Should he really be pushing a gay sex website on a family channel?
2:41 MT: "A lapse in judgment ... through my action I have brought a cloud over Idaho ... Forgive me, I have retained counsel."
2:41 MT: Oh he's totally not going to run again, but he's not going to resign.
2:41 MT: He really does sound like a closet case, doesn't he? How'd he ever get away with this so long?
2:40 MT: "I should not have kept this arrest to myself. I should have told my family about it ... Because I am not gay."
2:40 MT: Uh, dude, this has gone WAY beyond Idaho.
2:39 MT: "I am not gay .... I have never been gay."
2:38 MT: Oh man is he going to blame the Idaho Statesman for everything? He is!
2:38 MT: His mistake was actually taking responsibility, however briefly, for his loathsome bathroom behavior.
2:38 MT: "I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in hopes of making it go away."
2:38 MT: He regrets pleading guilty! That's the apology. THAT'S the apology.
2:37 MT: An apology! Oh wait, "I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport."
2:37 MT: He's reading a statement.
2:37 MT: Oh hell yeah, Larry brought his wife. She looks real happy.
2:37 MT: McConnell just wants you to know that the Republican Senate Gay Committee will investigate.
2:36 MT: Ha ha ha ha, Mitch McConnell has a statement ... but not what you'd think!
2:35 MT: Larry Craig is now five minutes late. Somebody check the bathroom.
2:34 MT: People in Boise are shocked to learn that everybody now knows their right-wing senator is a big old closeted fag who menaces public restrooms. Also, Wolf Blitzer looks great with a wobbly video image of Larry Craig's favorite men's room sign over his head.
2:33 MT: Arch-conservative Republican Larry Craig hasn't been caught up in a gay dick-sucking scandal since 1982!
2:32 MT: There's an "atmosphere of scandal" with the Republicans, possibly because of all the scandal.
2:27 MT: Yes, everyone involved in the Iraq War Contracting is a high-level criminal. Here is a long article about that -- we read the first page or so and realized it would just confirm what we've already believed, about everything, so why not read Achewood instead, or watch this entire Leonard Cohen tribute/documentary? (The Rufus Wainright Jr. and Nick Cave parts are the best, your editors decided, and the Bono crap is easy to skip over.)
2:26 MT: Wait, there has been some kind of fraud and deceit involving the Iraq War Contractors?
2:25 MT: We'll go with CNN because they've been flashing Larry's mug for 20 minutes already.