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Wikileaks: Guantanamo Detainees 'Not Dangerous'

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  • Here is the morning's top non-news story: Famous terrorist organization Wikileaks has released Top Secret documents which suggest that America's Permanent Detention Center in Cuba is full of innocent people! How could this be? The leaked Detainee Assessment Briefs also include "intelligence" coerced from detainees, after they were "interrogated." For instance, al-Qaeda has allegedly "hidden a nuclear weapon in Europe for detonation should Osama Bin laden be captured." Haha, Osama bin Laden had rotting kidneys, so he's definitely already dead. (Unless of course he had a hand-held dialysis machine -- an iDialysis? -- that he used "on the go," while running away from Navy SEALs in the mountain caves of Tora Bora.) Or maybe Osama bin Laden still works for the CIA? We'll probably never know! At any rate: Gitmo is full of "drivers, farmers and chefs." We are monsters, never forget. [BBC]
  • The Taliban freed more than 400 prisoners ("drivers, farmers and chefs") from an Afghan rape prison. [CNN]


  • "The judge and attorneys in Rod Blagojevich's corruption retrial on Monday were set to resume the daunting task of selecting jurors who can put aside what they've heard about the high-profile case and give the former Illinois governor a fair trial." [AP]

  • Your Wonkette is attending the White House Easter Egg Roll this morning! We are running late. Wish us luck!

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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