Wild Bill Clinton Speculation

NopeNo, it's not about who he might/might not be getting BJ's from on Ron Burkle's "Air Fuck One," it's about him getting appointed to the Supreme fucking Court. According to CNN's Bill Mears, it's been long-whispered that a Hillary Presidency could bring about a Clinton seat on the Supreme Court, and a conservative law professor is the hook for spewing the story. Are there a few holes in it? Um, yeah, but it's Caucus Day! All's fair in love and trying to defeat the political competition!

So, just because this would get anti-Clintonites in a Republican-donating frenzy doesn't mean that's why Pepperdine Law School prof Douglas Kmiec started talking about it now, nosireebob. You know what is suspiciously absent from his speculation, though? A memory of how Clinton accepted a 5-year disbarment from the state of Arkansas and paid $25,000 in fines for "serious misconduct" in the Paula Jones case, and only very recently came off suspension (no word if he re-applied for his license, though). As a result of that, he became the first President to ever be kicked off the Supreme Court bar, which he contested in order to give himself enough time to resign. Gosh, it rather seems like if Clinton isn't a member in good standing of a bar (or, at least was suspended from it) and thus isn't an actual practicing lawyer, that would make it kinda hard to justify appointing him to the Supreme Court, would it? Plus, well, it's not like he spent a ton of time practicing law even before his disbarment, what with the whole "professional politician thing" he did for most of his career.

On the other hand, getting a mainstream media source to republish the rumors and say that they have "long been whispered in legal and political circles" wouldn't give anyone in the Republican party anything to write a press release or fundraising appeal about either, would it? Luckily, we can mock it all we want because Republican appeals based on Wonkette articles are few and far between.

Supreme Court Justice Bill Clinton? [CNN]

Arkansas disciplinary panel recommends Clinton disbarment [CNN]

Clinton disbarred by Supreme Court [The Independent]

Clinton to contest Supreme Court suspension [CNN]

Clinton Resigns From Supreme Court Bar [UPI via NewsMax]

Bill Clinton can re-apply for his lawyer license [MSNBC]

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.


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