Will Barack Obama Accept The Presidency? Live-Bloog Part A Zillion


Hey, so there have been 97 live-bloog posts tonight, but this is almost certainly the last one, unless there is a Ron Paul coup, which we will certainly live-blog until the internet goes out because the FCC gets exploded.

So, barring that, we are just sitting here waiting for the president to show up and throw down some crazy Kenyan slang, on account of he never has to run for office again, and finally has that "flexibility" he was telling the Russians about, to just... to just be himself.

1:18 a.m.: John King is still playing with his superwall. President is nowhere to be found. Bachmann's race in Minnesota is still separated by like seven votes, and the Floridians have somehow forgotten to count the last 2.6 percent of the votes for Allen West's seat. Who are we forgetting about? And where is Barry?

1:23 a.m.: Mitt Romney just burrowed into his giant pile of unreleased tax returns, where he will stay until spring.

1:26 a.m.: Josh points out Obama HQ is playing "Time For Me To Fly" by REO Speedwagon.

Is this an omen of things to come?

You said we'd work it out

You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love

Oh, but I'm tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone

I do believe that I've had enough

I've had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation

Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration

Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry

I believe it's time for me to fly


1:30 a.m.: The tunes have switched to the Boss! But alas, it is from Wrecking Ball. Might as well have pulled a song from Lucky Town. Come on, dudes.

1:34 a.m.: HA! Remember this?

1:35 a.m.: THERE HE IS! The witch doctor is in the building!

1:36 a.m.: The guy comes in to Stevie Wonder. He should just wave and play the song through, then walk off the stage, go home and slide around in his underwear and socks.

1:38 a.m.: The moment of truth! We find out if he really actually talks like that!


1:38 a.m., still: "The task of perfecting our union moves forward." With... socialism... right?

1:39 a.m.: "While our road has been hard, while our journey has been low, we have picked ourselves up." Dude is summarizing Cormac McCarthy books. Wonder when he'll move on to Outer Dark?

1:40 a.m.: Obama wants to fix long voting lines! HOPE! CHANGE! GETTING TO WORK ON TIME!

1:41 a.m.: "Whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign, you made your voice heard." Gary Johnson signs: You were lame.

1:42 a.m.: Josh F.: haha people are going FUCKING NUTS for joe biden

1:43 a.m.: Overheard from the in-house peanut gallery: "Obama getting laid tonight."

1:44 a.m.: To his daughters: "One dog's probably enough."

He's cracking dad jokes. He's cracking dad jokes while Romney weeps into his apple cider.

Now he's talking about "every hill and every valley." This is a carnival of rhetorism.

1:46 a.m.: Good news! Dok discovers Breitbart has decided on the new conservative hashtag: #War.

We will not heel. We will not stop. The defeat of Barack Obama would have launched the beginning of America coming together. But apparently, liberal America prefers to battle for the soul of the country.

And so we battle.

Heavens! Yes, let us double-down, because "the only victories the Republican Party can point to since 2008 are Tea Party victories," and tea partiers defeating sane people in primaries than losing in general elections is just... how it goes, you know?

1:48 a.m.: "A generous America," eh? There it is. There's the socialism.

1:50 a.m.: Obama ready to "focus on your jobs, not ours," which means less now that he's done applying for jobs. But still! Sweet. He's sweet.

1:53 a.m.: Ohhhh shit. Obama's doing his "talk over the applause" move. This move slays them.

Dok Z. "Has anyone checked to see if Andrew Sullivan is still breathing, by the way?"

Josh F. he's waterboarding himself

1:54 a.m.: Obama references the Jersey shore, and "leaders from every party" coming together. Did Chris Christie really just get a shout-out in the president's victory speech? What happened up there?

1:57 a.m.: Dok reports, "OK, dammit Barry, you hit the goose-bumps trigger, ya Hopey bastard." We suspect he too was slain by the "talking over the applause" move.

1:57 a.m.: Josh F.: rich i think you need to acknowledge that there is a lady bheind barry with a small american flag stuck in her hair

Josh F.: she is this campaigns greatest hero

1:58 a.m.: Dok Z.: Did President Bartlett help him with this?

Josh F.: "haha, i was waiting until now to give a speech that awesome just for kicks"

1:59 a.m.: That bit about "not just a collection of red states and blue states"! THAT BIT!

Josh F.: oooh callback to his '04 DNC speech!

2:00 a.m.: And with that, the president departs the podium, to "We Take Care Of Our Own," the sweetest product placement deal of 2012, as the confetti falls.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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