Time for a dispatch from the ever-changing, goalposts-moving definition of the phrase "religious freedom." All these whiny bitchy wingnuts have been protesting that they DO NOT EITHER hate the gays, but it violates their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs™ to do things like "participate in" gay weddings, by making cakes or flowers or pizzas for them. And if you make them do that, you are literally Holocausting them, and they know Jesus will send them right to hell for it, because Jesus Is Love. So here's a story that will show y'all what a lie that is!

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A lady who lives in the Maryland suburbs outside of DC, Dani Tsakounis, was trying to help her brother, Tom Tsakounis, who is a gay married to a gay, find a DJ for a 60th birthday party for their other gay friend, who lives with Tom and his husband, but not in a gay "roommate" way. So Dani called up Ultrasound Deejays in Gaithersburg, Maryland, to say "Hey, come spin some radical tunes for our 60-year-old gay whippersnapper friend, we promise he won't tell you to get off his lawn." Ultrasound Deejays' response was not good:

“I just said, ‘We won’t be able to do it, we’re a Christian organization and it would go against our faith, I’m sorry,’” Michael Lampiris, co-owner of Ultrasound Deejays, said Friday.

Yep, it's against their faith to play "Dancing Queen" and "It's Raining Men" for a group of homos, especially one who dares to turn 60 in their presence! Maybe in Lampiris's religion, gays are supposed to die of AIDS at 30. This is very much against the law in Maryland, and has been since 2001, and Lampiris is a moron for not knowing that. But even if it is the law, Lampiris knows it's more important to ask himself What Would Jesus Do? The answer, of course, is Say No To Fags:

"[I]t’s important for us to make a stand. We don’t want to go against the law, but we also sometimes are called to do that if it goes against your faith. To me it would be like a synagogue having to cater to a neo-Nazi party or black DJ having to do a KKK dance,” he said. Gay clients don’t pose a “physical threat – it’s a conscience thing, and conscience is very important for everybody. In fact, I think it’s the most important thing.”

First off, WHAT THE FUCK? Synagogues are houses of worship and do not generally hire themselves out for catering, for neo-Nazis or anyone else. Second off, WHAT THE FUCK AGAIN? The KKK has "dances?" Learn somethin' new every day! Do they twerk in their little white lady robes and fancy hats?

Speaking of twerking, Lampiris is pretty sure the Tsakounis siblings should have just looked at his website's policies, which explain that they will not do the following things:

  • Play songs with doo-doo cusses in them.
  • "We will not support a new teen dance style called freaking." Guess twerking is okay!
  • No naked ladies or lady-men, no fortune tellers, no psychics, and NO MAGICIANS. So fuck YOU, kindy-garteners who want a magic show at your birthday party, not if you want DJ Stigmata at your party.
  • No Halloween of any kind, because you don't want the Devil crashing your Jesus dance party.
  • And finally, the key thing: "We will not be involved in any event involving homosexual celebration or activity."

So there you have it. Now, we're not sure what the Tsakounises had in mind for their buddy's birthday party. Maybe they were going to have a banner that said "Congratulations on 60 years of homosexual celebrations and activities!" -- in which case we'd understand (no, we wouldn't, this Lampiris guy is a fucking freak). Or maybe they were just going to have a birthday party for their friend, like people do.

Yr Wonkette is not usually the litigious sort, but this is one case where we'd make an exception. Sue that asshole for all two of his turntables and his microphone. Also, find a new DJ, because we're pretty sure that having a fundamentalist Christian in charge of the music would be REAL fucking boring.

[Washington Post via Queerty]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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